everlasting. your light

2011-07-19T17:12:00.007+08:00

This has been the most awesome school holidays ever!

Cuz I discovered a few of life's most luxurious moments!

1. It is such a pleasure to be able to sleep at whatever time and wake up at whatever time you want!

& you awake in the morning, smiling to yourself, and your heart is filled with so much joy and thanksgiving for a restful night=)

2. Get to hang around in church just enjoying the company of my brother and sisters. WITH NO MEETINGS

Small grp so glad u gals are growing deeper and discovering the right priorities
despite your O/N levels

3. Spend quality time with my family!
Having so much more patience with my sisters =)

4. Lifechanging mission trip

5. Crusades IGNYTE camp =)

God placed us in NUS for a reason, let's not miss the opportunity to let God, and let blessing others, colour our Uni life =)

Lastly but most importantly, I get to spend SO SO much time with God =)

Purely just singing and talking and listening and reading his word =)

That's what made this holidays the best ever!

Reflections

2011-07-03T23:53:00.006+08:00

And now that you're near, everything is different, everything's so different Lord.

God is really the God of the invisible and unmeasureable, the God of so much more.
God ignited the passion, God chose the people, God provided the path, God lit the way =)

God taught me so many things. One of the most valuable one is the power of prayer.

It's amazing, whenever Bert, YuRu and I have our brains fried or have differing ideas,
and when talking only makes matters more confusing..

Praying almost always instantly provided us with the answers.

Be it discovering God's will for the team, our team name, team verse, how to conduct a talk about spiritual warfare.

Also, the prayers for miracles ( we left our hard toiled song lyrics mahjong paper in Singapore and were praying for a miracle and God showed us something even better immediately after our prayers---a whiteboard!), for healing ( our own trippers and the kids and staff were sick and some were healed in a prayer! ), for strength to sustain ! I feared that my team could barely make it through one night, but we were so comfortable right until the 5^th night!

God also answered our prayers for his presence to dwell amongst us. I am so glad all of my youth and co leaders met God in a way or another.

One of my youths saw a vision of God for the first time!

We met God in the kids' 5 am morning devotion, through the ringing voices in the wee hours of the morning, we felt God dwelling in the midst of us;
we met God when a twelve year old kid said “God bless you and protect you” through his tears as we part from the orphanage;
we met God in the Bayon temples, where one of our youths found life in the ruins. little tadpoles living in a 5cent coin sized dent in the rocks.;
we met God as our plane cruised through the brilliant sunset.

I personally met God during the prayer walk. My heart felt super heavy in the heart when we walked into the first house in the village. In the second house, one of my youths prayed for a lady.

I caught a tear in her eye and my tears just started to flow uncontrollably.

I was SOOOOOOOO SAD! It was so painful in my heart!

Was that how you felt for her, God?

Were those your tears? After that prayer walk, my heart became so sensitive to everything! I was moved so easily, when i see the orphans smile, when I see the orphans having a chance to be educated, when i see my youths loving and caring for each other.

These past months God have been engaging me through logical thinking as I realise that my faith cannot be built upon emotions alone. But I have been praying and yearning for a tangible hug from God. The lovey-dovey feeling i had the whole of last year! Hmm I did not pray for God to touch me during this trip cuz all I could remember pray for is for God to touch my youths! This is just such a lovely surprise from God. He knows I love surprises and surprises rarely surprise me =)

Of course God also give me alot of humbling moments for me to learn about myself!

I don't need to be a leader to lead
If I think I'm sensitive enough, I'm still not
If i think I'm patient enough, I'm still far

This trip was a dream come true for me =)

It was my dream to be able to lead a team of youths and let them experience God in a real and tangible way!

Seeing them loving, caring and showing grace to each other warms my heart so much! And seeing them mature and start to take the lead was super encouraging!
I like how Philip Yancey put it, we are called to bear fruits for christ.
First to bear spiritual fruits (quality of Christ) : love, joy, peace, patience, faithfulness, gentleness, goodness and self control.

But the ultimate aim of fruits is to reproduce.

We are all called to disciple people, to raise the next generation of faith workers! We cant we forever spiritual babies, after receiving nourishment from our seniors/ mentors, we have to be responsible big brothers and sisters, to help guide our lil ones! One day, we have to be spiritual dads and mums, and grandpa and grandma! This mission trip is such a good training experience for me!

Although my trip has ended, I am so glad that we all took hope valuable lessons for the trip. Love and family were two important lessons our team learnt and remembered. God commanded us to love our neighbours as ourselves, yet we sometimes find it the hardest to love our family members. YuRu gave a testimony in church, saying that

we should show more love and patience in our family because THEY ARE our closest neighbour after all!

I came back from the trip, convicted to love my family more. I haven't raised my voice to any of my family members since the trip!

I have also felt the overwhelming love and grace from God to forgive someone I have been holding unforgiveness for 3 years. This was supernatural. I thought the hurt could never be healed.

But God replaced all the hurts into love in one instant.

Praise the Lord.

I am so glad and cant thank God enough to have led this team. It was lifechanging.

I know, I'm not the same, my life will change. I wanna be with you, I wanna be with you...

2011-04-30T21:51:00.005+08:00

Never knew how beautiful and magnificent deserts are!
stretches of endless sea of smooth sand (of course there are rough patches and dried soil ), but the sight when the sun peeps through the sand mountain is just breath-taking....
My eyes were glued to the screen the entire half an hour (apart from commercial breaks).
Once again, looking at nature points my heart towards acknowleging the power and the majesty of my creator =)

I WNA go to the desert one day XD
but actually Im thankful to be able to watch such a glorious sight from the comforts of my sofa.
You dont feel the blaze and the cold (tundras can be reallllllyyy ccoooollld).

THE ROYAL WEDDING!

All weddings are special,

All weddings are joyous occassions,

And the whole world is invited to celebrate with them.

feel sad for Prince William and Kate to not be able to have a private one,

but then again,

it's a moment where Britains out aside their differences and celebrate on the streets tgt,

it's a moment where ppl all around the world share the joy of the blissful couple =)

haha at least it made my friday really happy, cuz there's so much love in the air =)

p.s.William and Kate were tgt for 10 years (they met in Uni! And lasted until now, there's quite hard to imagine even for normal ppl)

This wedding generated 1 billion worth of revenue for Britain!

And the couple requested their wedding gifts to be money/deeds given to charity organisation instead of expensive jewelry and decor. =)

...made me daydream about my wedding =)

2011-03-28T10:10:00.004+08:00

Jesus Christ, I think upon your sacrifice, You became nothing, Poured out to death. Many times, I've wondered at your gift of life, I'm in that place once again. I'm in that place once again.

Had really a rough patch in the middle of last week! Was really really depressed. Not cuz of commitment, Not cuz of schwork, Not cuz of relationship stuff.. But cuz i thought God was really far away.. He wasnt at my arm's length, Joy and peace wasnt lingering around my heart... I broke down in the train on the way home.. I was feeling really alone. I prayed for God to show me His love, TANGIBLY, once again! Den i heard a still small voice, " Im here with you. " I brighten up immediately. But i was still feeling gloomy so I prayed to God for someone to msg me and show me His love thru him/her. The walk home was gloomy, nobody msged me =( (thought God would send somebody!) But lo and behold! When i reached home, my lil sister ran to receive me, she gave me a really big hug! All my depression was washed away. Science cant explain the origin of love, evolution theorist can try to explain how love was passed down, but they cant explain how love came to be in the beginning. How can random collisions produce an emotion and affection so intense?

But for now, I marvel at your savig grace. Im full of praise once again. Im full of praise once again...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUN & JIA! IM sorry to both of my dear frens! Last week had taken a toll on me! NOW IM BACK REJOICING!!!! Happy brithday to both of you~ Even though time and space set us apart, even though we not tgt physically, you both are present in a special place in my heart. And that place is somewhere nobody who is present with me here and now, can ever have access to. <3 God bless, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!

2011-03-15T21:14:00.003+08:00

A picture says a thousand words.
These words are razors to my wounded heart -william shakespear

So true.
One flash of a wallet exposed a picture that pierced through wadever walls i have built.
Holding up the knife there through the day,
I prevented it from cutting deeper,
it just pricked at my skin.

I guess i wasnt careful when i slept,
I tossed and turned in nightmare of him until it pierce thru my skin.
Woke up bleeding,
just like 3 years ago.
But thankfully this time, it has more disturbing than hurtful.

I asked God why does the knife still feel so sharp?
Den i started to ask why is he doing this to me again.
I started to question why is the vow of men so fragile,
How can one protrays that he is a man of
responsibility,
a man of empathty, a man who feels for the thousand
dead in somewhere far away,
yet disregards the hurling razors on someone who once gave him the key to her heart??
Am i not human?
Do i not bleed? -William Shakespear (agn)

I asked those question,
even I know very well that the problem lies
w myself.
He aint doing anyth to hurt me,
He could have been more sensitive,
But he is under no obligation to consider my feelings at the expense of his happiness...
Cuz in the first place, werent it werent his happiness that mattered,
things wont have turned out so bad.
And there is nothing wrong with this,
it's just being human.

The question i
should be asking myself is,
and jessica is
very right abt that,
should be
"WHY AM I STILL FEELING THIS WAY?"

I really thank god for building me up these 3 years +,
at least I am able to feel a sense of peace in his presence,
thank God that i can lift my head high.

Now God is guiding me through a second level of
obstacle.

& I will climb over it.

To err is human,
To
forgive is divine...

From an awesome book, Captivating
Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Do not
wait until you feel like forgiving before you forgive. It never gets there. Forgiveness is an act of will. Feelings takes time to heal after the choice to forgive is being made.
Forgiveness is not saying, "It really didnt matter," or
"I probably deserved some of it." It's saying that "It is wrong.
Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give you up to God. I will not be your captive any
longer."

Amen to
that!!

proverbs 31 woman

2011-03-01T00:09:00.012+08:00

My prayer...

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
-Proverbs 31:12

She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue
proverbs 31:26

Her husband also, he praises her.

~Beauty is when you look into a woman's eyes and sees what in her heart =)

2011-01-31T01:42:00.002+08:00

I went to a talk about how to aid suicidal youths last saturday...

When the speaker, auntie yoke lin, talked about the psyche of a suicidal youth,
the unbearable psychological pain, "more pain than physical pain"
the tunnel vision, "cant see any alternatives because of the pain they are experiencing"
the hopelessness,
the lonliness...

i could totally understand how they felt.
the unbearable psychological pain is more than a knife slicing your heart,
its a thousand draggers piercing thru...
the tunnel vision has no light at the end of the tunnel.
it feels like nothing you have ever done, nothing you are gg to ever do can make your heart joyful.

it's so painful that although u donwna die...
you cant bear to live..

that talk last saturday reminded me of how vulnerable i was,
how broken i was,
and most importantly,
how grateful i was to God who picked up the broken pieces of my heart.

"blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted."

I remember trying sleeping, eating, not eating, talking to frens, follwing my mum around, running at midnight, watching comedies.

Nothing worked.
I was more depressed by day.
I woke up in the middle of the night because my dreams were so melancholic...

God was my last hope.
with the remaining breath i have,
i surrended my entire being to God.
I trust that he loves me, and he has a plan for everyth.

And God did not disappoint me.
God's mini doses of bible verses and encouragement was wad held me on.

" I will never leave you, I will never forsake you."
" You are fearfully
and wonerfully made.."
"I will wipe every tear fro your eyes..."
"He cares for you...."
"Do not be worried about anything...."

When we come running to God with our empty hands and empty hearts,
God will fill it up. Slowly, he will take reshape our hearts, re colour our hearts,
mould it into wad he intended it to be when he created us.

I was so dependent of men, God taught me how to depend on him.
He also showed me how Man's love will fail, but His love will never fail.
And that Only His love can bring me true peace and joy.
(and it overflowss =) =) )

back to the auntie yoke yin...
Auntie yoke yin taught us that how to pick up hints of suicidal thking,
what to say, what not to say,
" never give solutions,
never talk down to them,
never dismiss their troubles,
never ask "you must be joking right? you won do it one hor?"

what we could do to help is simple.

Be very sincere and genuine!
emphatize!
do not dismiss what they are feeling,
the hurt is very very very real...
and that hurt blinds them from the light at the end of the tunnel..

Be that pair of hands that remove the blindfold from their eyes.
(and if need be, that includes bringing them to see a pastor or doctor!)
Show them God's love!
Share with them your experience and how things turned out not as bad as you imagined it to be! ( yeah,i could never have thought that the devastation turned out to be the best thing that happened to me)

Keep praying for them!
just like how my frens prayed for me =)

happy birthday!

2011-01-16T00:44:00.004+08:00

I'm TWENTYY!!
haha kinda hard to accept the fact that im no longer a teen,
but after replying 10pages of facebook wishes (WHICH IM ELATED TO SEE)
and countless SMSes and some really sweet phonecalls and a sweet birthday steamboat
w my family and a impromptu-no-programme party by some of the darlings in tamtams,
I thk im convinced im 20 =)

haha i didn expect this birthday to be so awesome!
Sch's just started and everybody including myself is so busy...
I woke up sick somemore..
somehow today is so eventfull and celebratory!

just wna thank EVERYBODY who wished me happy birthday,
even those who THOUGHT of me!
Im so touched by the presents (yuru seems very excited about my prez i wonder what is it, my sisters for support my maple fantasy --i gg have a new hair soon, enzon for the wine... and my aunts for their angbaos... and the perfect matchmaking book the TAMTAM gals bought and so many more to be thankful for!! )

Thanks for dropping by my house you ppl!

i realised EVERYONE here except rach (but i still love you!) + BEN came =)

i cant wait for the pictures and the news cast to be uploaded XDXD

my sickness disappeared when u all came =)

Really thanks for all ur prayers too !

THANK YOU ALL TAMTAMS for being such a vital part of my life =)

May we grow tgt.. grow grow grow!!

not to mention i had ample time in the morning to praise and worship God w my guitar..

really cant thank those who taught me guitar enuf for this gift =)

it's always awesome to start the day atuned =)

Thank God for being with me the past 20 years,

always sustaining me, guiding me, loving me.

always faithful, always present,

transforming my life 180degrees in this past 3 years

(BEN, CORRECT THIS TIME HOR =) =) )

hahaha... just for laughs!!! i thought this was really hilarious!

2011-01-11T20:06:00.004+08:00

Ytd was the release of the O lvl results.
i wanted to go to temasek but my sis don allow...

so i wanted to waste the day mapling, but zhicong msg-ed me,
so we met up and off we went on a route so familiar..

One year passed so fast,
it was last year that i witness someth similar.
students gathered anxiously infront,
juniors flooded the back of the hall as well as the gallery.

the only difference was last year i came not knowing anybody,
this year i hear the sweetest sound on earth " Miss Chua!!!!"
And im SO HAPPY to be able to see my career guidance room colleagues!!
NIE trainees now full fledged teachers..

It was so nostalgic!

When the results were announced,
i was so anxious for the students!
I felt happy for those that did really well (AND THIS YEAR THEY WERE BETTER THAN NATIONAL AVERAGE FOR MANY SUBJECTS!!)
but it broke my heart to see my basketballers cry..

the most touching sight was when the whole sch cheered for the 5N
classes!

They did better than national average for every single subject!
they did even better than half of the 4 express classes!
I am so proud of them!
They were really a highly motivated bunch!

i almost cried when i saw one one the top student in 5N running to his
history teacher and
shake her hand ever so gratefully.
i cant hear from afar but i can see him
mouthing a big "thankyou"..
NIGHTS and NIGHTS of night classes, HOURS and HOURS of preparation and chiong-ing tgt...
Im not his teacher, but im sure all teachers could sense the pride and happiness and thankfulness of this child and be encouraged.
Incidents like this is enough to sustain a whole year of blood and
sweat =)

OH MAN>< ><>
MOE PLEASE..
it's much more challenging but it's so rewardingggg....

haha
on another high note, my sister did very very well for her O levels...
Her late nights and midnight oils paid off.
haha my screamings and stresses and sitting under the blocks and starbucks paid off too..

i didn really help her last year, but luckily she was v.motivated
herself.
Really needa thank God for her amazing 360degree transformation..

from a super-emo-depressed-angry-closedup girl to one that puts her life and trust in God and is ever so optimistic and motivated=)

you deserve the 7 distinctions =) All glory be to God =)
<3

---------

2011-01-01T09:54:00.003+08:00

GOODBYE 2010!

you have been such an awesome year,
im kinda sad that u have to leave,
but im very excited to meet 2011 =)

haha it seems like my life rebooted in 2010,
with my first taste in teaching,
and extra commitment in church,
mission trips and
my new uni life =)

2009 was such a blur.. (& i vaguely remembered torture)
haha

2009 was a time of pruning & healing
2010 was a year of obeying God's call (after all the damage repair has been done)
God had revealed more of what he wanted me to do in my life,
made clearer the vision he gave me 4 years ago!
God has given me a heart for teaching and reaching out to the disadvantaged/neglected,
and LOTSA energy and optimism to keep proping ppl up when situation seems bleak.

i have never felt my life so purposefully driven before=)
Driven by God's love to wna love and serve =D

God also thought me a whole deal about self-control...
put me in lotsa trying situations...
i still remember sharing with yuru and rach on christmas 09' that
i hope i could have more control over my emotions =)
& God answers prayers in ways we can never imagine!

This Christmas also had been the most meaningful christmas for me.
Apart from caroling,
and wishing well wishes to frens,
this is the first christmas where my heart was not only with the gifts and carols,
nor the joy of companionship,
but my heart was also aching to bless those whom need a lil' christmas joy.

im so glad we caroled a the coffeeshops,
as well as at rachel's teacher's house.
im so hapy to be able to present gifts and emotional support to the 2 families my SG visited...
i know it all seems little,
but God doesnt look at the quality,
but He looks at the condition of our hearts,
He honours every effort made to further His kingdom
and He calls it a goodwork =)
So proud of u gals =)

so GOODBYE 2010!
and WELCOME 2011!!!

and so i hope we made the right decision, no regrets =)

2010-12-15T00:32:00.006+08:00

sometimes i get scared when i look at my calendar...

almost everyday till sch reopen is filled!

my mum said she knew this was coming when she saw her energetic 10year old taking up 4 extra-ciricular activity!!

i was in choir,netball,track and field as well as prefectorial board =) !

and den came the days where i had CCAs almost evveerryydaayy in dunman high!

cant believe i took up 3 CCAs in senior high...

and now...

the amount of church and sch commitments are .....

EPIC FIFA 10 and TOFU are over,

but there is still caroling, Rpillar, O&W pillar, retreat, SGL..

oh but since God decides to give me so much energy,

i might as well use it well =)

and so i hope we made the right decision,

no regrets =)

------

FIFA 10'

2 things that really touched me during this camp was...

First was the love i felt when the committee went all out to help each other
Be it washing, preparing or executing=) and rushing to grocery stall at midnight, and preparing soap water and mealworms at midnoon....

Next was how much some of the youths have grown in their faith!!

~ryan who hid underneath the table cloth the last camp shared his feelings (and even about God's heart for missions!) in front of the whole camp. really proud of him

~almost all of my group members heard God speaking someth into their lives,

this is amazing!

<3>

haha you guys are my answered prayers =)

<3 fifa =")

you gals did a terrific job @ TOFU,

so proud of you all...

And whenever i thank God for blessing me with such angelic gals,

i always count you'all twice!

harvest fields.. here we come~

hahaha... before that, 3 days to recharge at BINTAN w PYA + bedok MC ppl!!

and my sister =)

2010-12-05T00:37:00.002+08:00

I went to chan min and wei long's wedding.
They are finally married...
And its sooooo sweet...
haha today is the day BB married GB XD
They showed videos of how they serve tgt in PMC,
how they led young souls to christ and how they develop leaders in their fields,
and it's such a blessing to be able to serve tgt,
and to enjoy each other so much
and finally taking a vow before God to love and care for each other.

It looks so ideal that it made me a lil' pessimistic abt my own,
how difficult is it to find someone who would love you more than himself?
got a feeling i would end up like my mum...
giving in to my dad like he owns her, and not daring to ask anything in return
(and nothing will return)...
And seeing someth just threw my day into the bin...
hias, it's like a knife tearing up an old cut.
hmmm no,

it's like shovels digging out an old grave combined with a chopper that minces
up what remains inside into a million pieces...

i sudd remembered how i was thrashed.
haha knived and thrased
by someone you entrusted everyth
haha

but i also remembered how man's love will fail us,
but God's love will never fail us.

maybe it's God's way of pulling me back into his embrace.
just like how a child runs back into a father's embrace with a bleeding, throbbing finger...

but like what yuru said,
God is a good God...
Have faith and make the right decisions...

ok...
On the bright side..

i saw an angel at my bus-stop today!
The angel saw my thoughts,
amidst the crowd she offered to share her umbrella,
and sheltered me all the way up the bus.
It was raining heavily outside,
but my heart was overflowing with warmth.
It's such a small act of kindness but it is so genuine and altruistic,
afterall, what could she have expected as a return from me?

I saw an angel today,
although it's a haggard old lady,
she shines as bright as light.

andd..... i will be gg for camp for the next 5 days!!
really excited to see my grp =)
<3 i alr love u all before we gathered !
May God bless our time tgt =)

2010-11-14T23:43:00.002+08:00

Some important things i learnt from my pysch textbook...

~15 % of people who have major depression eventually commit suicide (and succeed).
~When someone hints about suicide, NEVER ignore, NEVER thk that they are just fooling around.
~They needa feel love and accepted
~Please tell them life has so much more to give

Dying may not solve all your problems,
living through them will!
I've been through that!
I knw its hard cuz you CANT even experience a drop of joy,
and a tinge of excitment,
you find life a drag,
BUT you'll get thru it!
YOU'LL GET THRU THEM!
CALL ME OK!

To those who dont believe in afterlife...
Wad if there really is?
Wont it just mean that you will continue to be depressed elsewhere?

You are worth more than you can imagine.

ok this post is quite random,
ALL THE BEST FOR UNI EXAMS!

-------------------
on a sidenote,
to you!

thanks for letting me knw how u feel finally,
even if its after... 3 years +??
=D
You are still so nice to talk to,
and you still understand =)

Even after so long...
All the best in camp.
TMR WILL BE A BETTER DAY!

2010-11-09T10:22:00.003+08:00

hmmm heard 2 sad stories from my mum...
both are about employers who sacked their maids.

The first fren sacked her maid cuz she found a phone in her bag.

Her reason was she didn't give the maid money to buy a phone,

she must have gotten it through dirty means....

The second fren gave her maid 1 day off to during her birthday,

but after the maid came back, she asked if she could have one off day a week.

My mum's fren wasnt happy, but didnt tell the maid. She just bought a plane ticket

and woke her maid up one morning and drove her to the airport. I could imagine how horrified the maid would have felt that day...

Her employees didn even tell her that they are going to send her back!

Wad would she tell her family?

She must be so crushed, she came so far to singpore in order to let her family back home live a more comfortable life....and now?

I think one day off is not too much to ask for...

if our employer give us a 5 day week, shouldn we show mercy to our domestic helpers and give them at least half a day off a week??

They are such a great help to us, shudn we be grateful for their help?

Maids are as human as us...
How can some of us forget that and think that they are nannny-bots, that they can work round the clock for days on end~

(me and my nanny bot, even my nanny bot died when her battery runs out)

hais....

i knw of many employers that treat their maids really well.

I believe if you treat someone with dignity and love,

it will reciprocated...

i cant forget how Ben used to talk about her maid and her cooking...
and how pawpaw's maid cried at the airport when she left for china to study..

During those times when they go on and on about their "aunty",

we cease to see them as a maid, but we saw them as an intergral part of their family....

The Philippines is so big, i wonder if my mum's fren's maid had enough money to take a bus back to her village....

So for those who have maids at home,

be a graceful employer!

Give her a shoulder massage or a chocolate bar,

im sure you would make her day !

2010-11-06T18:53:00.005+08:00

TO SHUJUN IF ONE IS NOT ENOUGH.....
they is always a field of sunflowers yet to be discovered!!

I finally found the inspiration to write another poem,
happy~~

I forgot how a love poem should start.

Should it be filled with candy canes and glowing faces?
Should it contain chocolate notes and red roses?

Should there be wide smiles and eternal promises?
Should it be painted red and pink? Pink and red?

oh...yea...
It should have the most important ingredient---passion!

For how shallow would the poem would be without describing the intense love of the lovers?

How depressing the art piece would look without the long walks by the beaches?
How bare the love song would sound without the sweet whispers?

How uncaptivating it would be without the image of them looking longingly at each other?

So...
How should a love poem end?

At the feet of jesus

2010-11-02T22:58:00.002+08:00

I read this extract from David's facebook and i thought it really speaks to a lot of us..
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, they came to a village where
a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister named
Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to His teachings. But Martha was
distracted with all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him
and asked, "Lord, dont you care that my sister has left me to
do the work by myself? Tell her to come and help me! "
"Martha Martha," the lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many
things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it
will not be taken away from her. "
Luke 10:38-42
Many of us like Martha, As exams draws near and deadlines creep closer, we get so busy to make those deadlines that we get distracted. We tell ourselves we wna serve God thru studying, or do well for the glory of God. Yet too often we fall into the trap of being distracted.
God is giving us a startling rebuke, "you are worried about too many things, but only one thing is needed." How is your prayer life? How is your time with God? If we are really trying to serve God through studying, let us not neglect the necessary thing-- to sit at the Lord's sit and listen to his teaching. Jesus would rather you not score that A, or not take that high flying job, if you are going to compromise your relationship with him. (summary of what he said)
I was disappointed abt my grades (which is not bad but you knw sometimes you would thk you deserved better :p). Hmm... I thought I wrote them quite well, but apparent teachers dont thk so.. and no comments... so i can't know where i should improve. tutors should always give constructive comments!
God must be wondering, wad is she worrying about? She alr got her dream job, she jus needa maintain 3.4 (not even 3.5 :p)! Hmm.. Yup like wad rach said, i shudn be discouraged! i shud continue to work hard! i shud continue to absorb as much as i can to help my students, or skills that could help advance His kingdom. I shudn be caught up with grades with the rest of the Uni... =)
i managed to shake it off, cuz grades doesnt make a big diff (unless i failed miserably of cuz due to my negligence). At most is our pay, but even so, THAT is not significant.
Research shows that our satisfaction with life doesnt
increase with an increasing income once your income exceeds the amount needed for you to fulfill your basic needs.

How silly is it if we get depressed over our grades! haha wad we shud be worrying abt is that if we missed an opportunity to share christ, if we stumbled our fellow brothers and sisters, if we failed to be a good testimony, if we are too busy to sit at the feet of Jesus...

2010-10-13T19:51:00.003+08:00

This is a gooodie gooodie destressor!

Also the topic of my malay blog story, hobi saya!

http://djmalay.wordpress.com

can you see the silver lining??
sometimes is not so obvious and clear,
but God may be hiding behind the dark clouds.
and watching how we are responding to situations...

during my crusades DG,
my SM said

" Instead of being sian-ed and stressed abt sch, proj and deadlines,
be thankful that you can come to sch."

we shud really count our blessings...
and waste no time at all complaining and brooding,
it takes up far too much energy,
why dont we direct them into encouragements and prayers to keep ppl moving and going...

but i know its really hard,
but God has also grant us His spirit of peace and joy...

on a side note,
im starting to feel very very afraid of wad's gna happen..
...please open my father's heart.

Here I am a sinner, broken and in need of you
Take my life and wash my fears away
For you are the great I am, rest assured I feel Your hands
Holding me until the darkness clears....

Joshua 1:9

2010-10-05T21:09:00.003+08:00

Hari ini saya sangat gambira =)
Saya memlihat seorang BABY!
Dia comel sakali !
Saya takboleh tahan, saya hendaknya !

Saya ada waktu baik dengan anda juga!
senyum kami ada pada mulut kami di dalam Macdonalds,
di dalam MRT, di dalam perpustakaan dan kedai koi,
saya akan simpan dalam hati saya =)

yeah, saya bermain "plant versus zombies" sekarang =)

God bless everyone who is having their exams!
or rushing their assignments.. =)
As the going gets tough, the tough gets going!

Human Brain

2010-09-30T13:17:00.005+08:00

One of the chapters tested for my psychology midterms was the human brain.

The human brain is so intricated designed,
each region has a differentiated role and processes,
but these diff processes have to intergrate harmoniously in order for us

to make good sense of the world.

There might be billions of neurons in our brain,
and the damage of any one of them could potentially devastating...

Dr P, a very talented musician, suffered a stroke and damaged a part of his primary visual cortex(part that helps us to make sense of what we see).
He was diagnosed with visual agnosia, which is the inability to recognise objects and persons.

He patted the heads of water hydrants thinking these to be the heads of children and even mistook his wife for a hat.

Although his reasoning skills were intact, his messed up perception of the world often inhibited his problem-solving abilities. He could be lost in “a world of lifeless abstractions” (Sacks, 1970, p.11). displaying poor judgement and a lack of discretion.

But even so, our brain has this amazing power to adapt,
Dr P cant perceive things with his eyes,
but he can perceive things once he touched them/ or smell them.
Amazingly, his ability to play music is unscathed and he could still engage in someth he loved so much.

When a toddler runs towards his mother,
his mother doesnt perceive her son as a whole,
her eyes first detects familiar shapes, surfaces, contours, boundaries, colours, etc.
all these stimuli are then put together in the primary visual cortex.
Now mama has a visual representation of her son,
BUT that is not all,
this visual representation of her son is routed to other cortical areas
where memories and knowledge of her son are attached to his visual representation.
and ta da!
Mama recognises her baby boy, her precious child that she carried in her wombs for 9 months and all the sweet memories of his first tears, first smile, first tooth and first steps.

I never knew recognising an object is such a complicated process,
and our brain is so efficient in its processing that recognition seems almost effortless!

and and our brain has this special feature detectors that can detect familiar objects faster because of the strengthening of the neural circuits in our brain which correspond to this familiar object.

this is why in a crowded place, like that control station of an mrt station, you can always immediately notice someone you care about smiling at you from the corner of your eye. He just stands out from the crowd.

As I was studying about our brain, I cannot help feeling amazed at the complexity of our brain..
And even more, i cannot stop thinking about how amazing our God is to be able to design our complicated brain. And its so intricately designed (not a random mass of cells surrounded by fluid-->refering to amoebas and bacteria) , it just shows how how much he cares for us.

whoever said science separates us from God... <3

2010-09-16T18:19:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

When is the best time to break the oink bank?
But i know if i wait longer,

the piggy will grow fatter,

and i can buy more sweets with it!

God please help me keep my piggy safe while i feed it with more food!

You are the most wise!

Amen

2010-09-15T21:30:00.002+08:00

My first malay compo!!

Ada pesta hari jadi di rumah John.
Dia memyambut hari jadinya dengan kawan-kawan baiknya dan keluarga.
John berumur tujuh tahun hari ini.
Ada kek tiramisu besar dan sedap di atas meja.
Dia meniup lilin sekarang.
Selepas emaknya akan bantu memotong kek.
Dia medapat banyat hadiad dan sangat gembira!

(grp work)

speaking abt grp work...
there are just so many projects!!
haiss....
i thought uni would be stress free..

nevertheless,
we just get through each day.

YMLC was a needful retreat!
Rev De Souza preached about the essence of a shepherd leader,
one cannot be a great shepherd leader IF he did not have a personal experience with God.
how can one share of God's love if he never knew it?
He challenged those who haven truly experienced God to be faithful and continue to seek him,

"If you seek me with all your heart you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29"

He preached that he could sense that we would all experience God that night.
he shared about how he could feel the spirit of God pouring down on him physically,
he shared how some ppl could feel fire / ice,
some ppl would cry , some ppl would be slain..
God is a God of miracles, he told us to pray and ask God to reveal himself to us.

So i went up fully believing that God will touch me in a diff way.
Like what he said, just a glimpse of God would change your life completely.
And the moments when He touches you is just indescribable.
you'll never forget those moments when the holy spirit inside of you leaped with joy =)

I waited and waited for God,
but other than nudges and thoughts which might be mostly my own,
i had a verse in mind.
'John 14:7'
Did God give me another verse?

I didn experience God as 'differently' as i wished to, so i was a little down.
But when i flipped the bible to John 14:7,
it writes

"If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.”

Woah, its like God is reassuring me that, Yes, you have experienced me,
do not doubt your experiences, it is indeed I!

just wna say that God is faithful, God is real,
He is with us and he hears us.
Continue to pray earnestly for God to touch you.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

UNI

2010-08-16T11:57:00.014+08:00

so cute!

Pigs are really nice

and they are afraid and can jump really high!

like as high as they basketball rim when ppl poke them XD ~

Arts camp!

O weEk!

Although i wished my holidays could be longer,
im really excited about sch!
Thanks to ALL wonderful and super enthusiastic helpful seniors,

I manage to settle into Uni pretty well!

Im just so excited about wad im gna learn in...

Psych, EL, SS, SEA and MALAY!

Selamat Datang ~

Hari ini hari Isnin!

Saya berlaja Behasa Melayu di NUS! =)

People who can speak malayu, sila talk to saya XD
terimah kasih!

Im excited about wad im gna do too!
Joining both VCF and Crusades!

For IFG, the manager for the basketball guys team contacted me,

i clicked on the guy's team instead of the gals!

cant imagine how it would be if i turned up for guys training..

Today is my mother's birthday!

Last week's sermon by Kevin still rings in my ears.

"how many of you pray for your parents regularly?"

Parents, the first people who was the first to love us,

who have always been loving us from the time when we soiled the bed to

the time we spoilt their day,
who loved us when we profess that we hate them and leave house,

and would love us no matter how far we have strayed, how bad we have been,

or how ugly we are..

A parent's love is a glimpse of God's unconditional love.

How much God must have love us to let us experience such love in a fallen world.

And how much do we love our parents?

One of my small group member confessed that she prays for everybody else but the people who loved her most.

If God loves us through our parents,

den our love for our parents translates to our love for God.

We can't love God whom we can't see if we can't love our parents, our family who we can see.

"Whoever loves God loves his brother (and of cuz parents).."

I've been praying for my parents everyday for a week now,

I want to do that for the rest of my life,

as they must have for all of my life...

and the manager for the guy's basketball team just msged me again!!

hais....

Wrong gender lahhh..

==Random==

LG picture of the year

we love you ryan!
=)

and cheers to the present and future teachers ~

2010-07-01T13:34:00.012+08:00

"im like a bird!"

i like this shirt from threadless!

but its out of stock! =(

i like the giraffe's attitude!
i thk it reminds me of............ ME!

if i were a giraffe, i would definitely believe that im a bird =)
just like how i used to believe that i was a mermaid!

it reminds me of my sister too,

who used to believe that she's a flying piglet.

but i thought she was more like a flying kitten!

some pics of me and my sis over the years...

took it when it was neo print faze back then in 07!
you just got your new name 'esther' which i NEVER got used to.
haha and until now, when i pick up the phone and your friends call 'Esther please',
i would most prob tell them 'wrong number'.

our first attempt to study tgt at macs!

yea couple tee!
and more and more to come!

our first ever full 6 member family outing at pulau ubin!
i was depressed and you were there to cheer me up!

i never liked green,
but you never liked green too =)

i love this pic, although it was a failed shot.
many things in life were failed events but God always turn things around!

2009 CNY!
how we wished 09 would never come,
but it came and went and everyth was fine...

xmas last year!!
you were there to see me carol!
"JOY to the world"

2010 pet society craze...
you intro-ed this game to me.. haha

WOOHOOO... its your 16th birthday..
ytd's celebration at ri ben chun, was so funny.
you made me become a jellyfish la!

and we went to watch eclipse!
hope you like it man=)

edward's tortured face...

since you're a busy woman, and i cannot get busier,

we'll had to do it 1 week earlier!

hope it's stil as special!

but birthday is just another day,
no big deal cuz...
every moment w you is so comfortable and so worth treasuring =)

ok be away for VCF camp next week , this time i'll miss you!
<3>

--------------------------------------

taken from Rach's blog!
ok, LZ took this from rach's blog and post it on facebook.

God works in amazing ways..

--------

im gg back to bedok north to train w the C gals, good day everyone!
God bless!

missing you!

2010-06-28T09:44:00.005+08:00

This whole month i've been away more than i've been at home.
enzon calls me ' camper superstar' =)

and there were things i missed so much!

1. Hugging my baby sister to sleep

2. Falling asleep on the coach while the TV is playing in the background

3. Visiting my aunts and sleeping on my aunt's bed in my auntie's room reading a silly romance
story

4. Guitar

5. Having a distraction free QT early in the morning

6. Jogging in the morning and just lie on the playground slides

7. Writing

8. Updating my blog

9. Having lunch with my sister

10. Having no major line ups for the week!

and you know wad! within 3 days of coming back to camp, i managed to have all these 10 things i missed done!!
i really hope God will grant me a week of rest.
since after A levels, the most i rested doing nthg is 4 days during the march hols!!

and of course..
ppl i missed!

1. My students of course, from BNSS.

I missed marking assignments and tests and discovering that a student has put in effort and
improved.
I missed praising every little improvement
I missed watching my students blush when i praise them
I missed the attention they gave me when i talked about the atrocities of Hitler, or the important techniques of SEQ..
I missed also, shoting water guns at 3e2 and 3N1, esp Eldrica
I missed asking students to stop talking and wake up during chi lessons, i get to scare them w water guns once agn
Of cuz, i missed my basketballers!!
C gals and C boys esp! train hard gals and boys, i'll be at your matches next year!
& the 1e2 and 1e1! please stay cute forever alright!!
frankly, i do miss nagging at students... you esp!
& yes, i miss 'Let us in Bedok North, prepare to serve our nation...."

2. I missed Philippines!

I missed the OM staff and volunteers..
I missed the youths from Bradford
I missed the kids at Marco and the kids at the feeding programme.
I missed singing ' He's able '

3. I missed Rebecca
Seriously where are you and how are you doing??? =(

4.I missed Joshua and even Simon.
Guys i thk and pray for u =)
When i see you guys around in church, it makes me happy cuz i remember the experiences we've had

5. I missed superman!
apart from the very vulgar cheer which Im thankful to get out of, I missed how you guys have
made me feel safe and protected =)

6. I missed TAMTAMS.
I havent been to LG last week!

7. & YOU if you missed me =)

2010-05-14T23:15:00.009+08:00

I had a beautiful dream on wednesday.

I was in the most magical Russia =)
I was there on a tour, den in my dream i suddenly asked myself how long would my stay be,
and a calendar suddenly popped out, telling me i will be there from fri to monday.

It was 2am.
I was looking out of a window of a mutli-storied building,
everywhere else was flat-land
and i saw millions of little dot-like white lights beneath me.
I went downstairs to see what is it.

It was a super busy Russian wet market, all the russian ladies were dressed like the russian dolls, and they were carrying land lights
I asked my mother why are they so active at night,
she said it's their culture.
I remembered there were lotsa prawns and DRIED meat sold at the market.

Next we got into a car and we drove deep into the streets and back alleys of Russia.
We drove into the night life of Russia,
there were all sorts of underground subcultures.
there was a group of goth-punk teenagers.

Finally, we got into the forest of Russia.
It was so pretty, like the forest in Avatar, in twilight the movie, in the books of Narnia...
It was twilight hours, and the moon light shone through the leaves of the canopy,
illuminating the leaves and the lake in the forest.

The weather will chilly but not freezy,
the experience was surreal.

My dream made my day!
So i was happy the whole weds!

Dreams have their value.
They illuminate our lives. . .

reminded me of that art work that captivated me most during bienale 2 years ago,
and when i went to search for it,
i was so amazed that the setting of the artwork is in Russia!
it was done by 2 Russians author,
and some of the art commentators even named it the Russian dream!
COOL.

Private Moon: Leonid Tishkov and Boris Bendikov

“Private Moon” is a visual poem, telling a story about a man who found the Moon and stayed with her for the rest of his life.

In the upper world, in the attic of his house, he saw the Moon which had fallen from the sky. At first she was hiding from the sun in a dark, damp tunnel and was constantly frightened by the passing trains. Then she came to the house of the man.

Wrapping the moon in a thick blanket, he gives her autumn apples and drinks tea with her. When she finally recovers he puts her on a boat and carries her across a dark river to a high bank, where moon pine-trees grow.

Dont you want your personal moon too?

2010-05-05T21:14:00.010+08:00

10 Things i did since i last updated!

1. Met up with classmates =)

2. Had an outing with the NIE teachers!
( wad will the career guidance room be like wout them!)

3. Saw this face daily

(invigilation ! i can memorise how each of the student in 3e2 look when they're 'thking/dreaming/stressing' ) gna miss that! you guys look super cute.

4. Caught up with friends over food!!! =D FOOD FOOD FOOD!

5. Went for a birthday party at settler's =D (SMU got really nice guys )

6. Found out the true reason behind why dinosaurs extinct.

told my students that but I thk they are no great fan of dinosaurs...
nevertheless i would try harder.

7. Got really sick of this man

8. Did a 93 slide ppt on this man's rise to power =.=

9. Thanked God (and my teachers) that I got my MOE teaching award!!

Got offered MOE teaching award - Psychology =)
Kinda relieved that i didnt get my double degree in Psych and Hist,
i won be able to cope with grades, cca and ministry and family den!!
i would be teaching Pri sch aft i graduate,
i will grow to love them as much as my BNSS students! (pray hard!)

10. See my TamTams and feel the LOVE!

haha <3 ing my wonderful and unique present ---LIFE =)

p.s. A poem for someone i shud have written more poems for.

when the sky grows darker and darker
and the night grows quieter and quieter,
but you heart just beat faster and faster cuz you cant sleep,

don fret.
just count the mutli-coloured sheep.
red one, blue one,
and that yellow one that hid behind the fence afraid to jump.
just observe how the fluffy cloud like innocent fellows jumping across that little fence.
And then, and then,
when the pink little sheep with a pink hair band on her head appears in your head,
its when you know that i've come to rescue you,
from all your loneliness,
and free you from all those restrictions.
and you'll fall asleep!

Good night my fren,
you are never alone.

2010-04-25T21:10:00.003+08:00

i find my lessons a little morbid.

3 weeks ago i was using a skit to teach 永远的蝴蝶.
没有人知道, 躺在那里的,是我的,蝴蝶 ...
its a romance story then ends up in tragedy.
very shakespearish..

2weeks ago i gave a chinese lesson from an obituary.
but its no ordinary one, its by a famous author and it captures how the chinese are losing our tradition from the way obituaries change over 3 generations....
from traditional chinese and wen yan wen,
to simplified chinese,
to "was called home to the Lord on .... "
ok but its still quite morbid...

last week i gave a lesson on suicide...
他们说你没有写遗书,所以不可能是自杀.
但来说如果曾经大喊过却每人听明白,留下遗书给谁看?
i read this article one year back..
it triggers readers to thk about why teenagers choose to end their lives,
and how society is not doing much to understand the pain they're feeling..

in the past weeks,
i also came across blogs that belonged to youths that had passed on,
but still kept alive by the deceased close friends.
there was also a blogger who lost her bf of 4 years plus in 2008 and is still mourning over him up till today...
charleneyl.blogspot.com

The years go by.
The time, it does fly.
Every single second is a moment in
that passes oh so quick and it seems like nothing.
But when you’re looking back.
Well, it amounts to everything. We weren't meant for forever, but I just thought I'd let you know that I will always remember all the moment. It’s pretty much impossible to forget someone who was once the reason for the smile on your face. the pain i felt made me sleepless.

a student also told me about the death of his aunt recently.
its quite traumatizing for adolescences, at the peak of their youth, to cross path with death.
its like someone who has just started to catch a glimpse of the vibrancy of a sunrise, being forced to watch a gloomy sunset...

but we never know when we are going to leave this temporal world..
so its not too late to think about death.
i read in a poem,

without death, there is no life.
without thinking about death, we arnt really serious abt life..

human beings are may seem so wise and our wills so strong,
yet we can be so small and fragile....

we have ruled over the animal kingdom, tamed wild birds and beast;
yet a virus so small that we cant even see with our naked eye can mess up our immune system and kill us.

we have produced beautiful pieces of art and literature that tug heartstrings, transcending time;
yet if there is someth wrong with a tiny synapse in our brain,
we might be dead cuz our brain cant communicate important information to the rest of our body.

our heart, an organ only the size of our fist, is able to sustain us, filled with compassion to save the world,
yet a little dose of potassium can make our heart stop beating right there and then,
and all our dreams would end there and then too..

we can run miles and miles and miles
yet if we are not careful and do not hydrate ourselves adequately and let our body have enuf rest,
we'll just pass out and die. . .

how is it that we seem to be so BIG, brimming with so many dreams to change the world
yet we might be gone in a flash,
if a car crash into our path,
if a sudden illness invades... ...

only God knows how many days we have on earth,
we only live once..
what should we do with life?

one thk we shud not do,
thk that we're immortal and unfortunate incidents will not befall on us.
we certainly shud not live so carelessly...
if we're sick , eat medicine,
if we're tired, rest.
if we're thristy, drink!
don smoke, don get drunk,
do get into fights. . .
if we're depressed, get help..
if everyth fails, pray and wait for tmr...

when we start thinking about death, it is then that we start thinking seriously about life...

2010-04-11T17:24:00.008+08:00

this 2 weeks have been filled with amazing events=)

1April...

JIAHUI's BDAY!
gathering and fun with my dearest team!
our 7th time celebrating birthdays tgt...
woah, how time flies!
sry jh for the madness caused!
bet u won eat pie forever!!

2nd April

GAG!
God's amazing Grace!
First time i ever won first in an amazing race!
we were like mad ppl running around suntec shopping mall hunting down starbucks!
Thanks gals for ur enthu-ness..
thanks gals for responding to God's call and bringing your frens to this event!

3rd April

TAMTAM cycling
Reliving childhood....for some la,
for me, its perpetual childhood!
(ppl notice the colour codes, pink n blue!)

4th april

EAster Sunday!
the play was a success!
i hope we managed to bring across to the audience, how Jesus took our pain and make us whole agn!
when we don feel God, it doesn mean he is not there.
its a test to our faith!

job 23:8-9
"But i go to the east, he is not there;
i go to the wet, i do not find him.
when he is at work n the north,
i do not see him
when he turns to the south,
i catch no glimpse of him."

sounds familiar?
sometimes God's presence is hidden from us, and we feel so dry...
but right aft this verse,

job 23:10
"But he knows the way that i take,
when he has tested me, i will come forth as gold."

not feeling him doesnt mean that he is not there.
he is watching us,
and testing us with fire,
so just like Gold,
we will emerge pure and blameless!

6th april

Speech day and Musical Extravaganza!

ITS WAS AMAZING!
WELL DONE BNSS performing arts and DRAMA team,
the CREW as well as the counsellors and other helpers!
i can see months of hard work!
i was really really delighted.
the mulan's songs are still in my head!

it was really a significant act =)
tearing up the cigarette and throwing it tgt w the lighter into the bin.

now i knw where students hide their cigarette.
i will go check ur bags!
students, don do anyth that will harm your health !!

7,8,9 April

BNSS C div basketball matches!!
i went to 3 matches in one week..
SO HAPPY FOR C GALS
yea, top 6 alr,
TOP 4 ARH!

10th April

Ju Lee's wedding!
waa. one of the sweetest wedding i have ever attended!!
waa... inspiration for my wedding day..

http://jujuandhaohao.blogspot.com
MUST SEE K?

Youthout !
finally got to see my student dance live.
it was great.'
great spectacle-flying-off-face stunt!
the cheers almost made me went deaf. haha
takecare of your leg la!

next week's full of......
LESSONSSS!!!!
yea, im going to finish syllabus for MIDYEARS for HISTORY!
im bringing a water gun to shoot at my normal acad students. haha
perfect exemplification of Stalin's great purges.

I AM STALIN-NA !!
muahahaha

2010-03-28T10:47:00.005+08:00

feels very wierd not going to church today. i have been going every sunday since 31may last year!
my sis gna get baptised so my whole family's gg down to cityharvest at jurong to witness it =)

ytd was so busy @ church!

had renunciation session w auntie yoke lin in the morning.
it was super impactful.
thru that one hour i learnt so many things about God and myself.
i asked if there is anyth wrong w me being so soft-hearted.
it has caused me a lot of probs,
Auntie yoke lin says god is tender hearted, and so im made perfectly in his image.
i wanted to cry when u hear that!

den we talked about fears.
i said i was afraid of cockroaches cuz they're ugly and yuckie.
auntie yoke lin reminded me that cockroaches are also God's creation.
they are perfect in God's eyes.
even though they might be ugly and dirty,
they served a function in the animal food chain system..

she added that some people may not look pleasant, they might be ugly and deformed.
does that mean that they're scary, does that mean that God loves them less?

i don need to love cockraoches and be near them, but i don need to fear them,
cuz God has made me rule over all the animals =)

yup we talked about ghosts...
and there is no such thing as ghosts...
only demons posing as the ghosts we see on TV.
and we don need to be afraid of them cuz

" the one who is in us is greater than the one that is in the world" 1 john 4:4 =)

looking forward to more sessions w her =)

practiced the skit for easter!
hope God will work thru us and the audience will enjoy and be impacted by our skit!!

worship was super during baptism class.
felt God's reassurance and love,

kyle was really great on guitar,
i wna be able to just pick up my guitar and worship God.
its quite impossible now w me only knowing how to play 2 songs wout the score!
ytd was so busy yet so significant!

-------

xiao didi. you don need to depend on others for joy ok?
you create your own joy =)

yup its not easy, but you will be stronger!

"hide me now, under your wings..."

2010-03-25T05:38:00.003+08:00

sooo busy this weeekkk....

managed to get my nails painted!

and my books arranged.
stil got so many other books dno where to place them~

yea im teaching sec5 CLB next week onwards =)
im gna relief PE too~

but im most loooking forward to this good friday and easter!

"Cast all your worries to God, for he cares for you. " 1 Peter 5:7

2010-03-19T12:49:00.003+08:00

all alone in a big empty office again! haha =)

im stil doing my PPT on stalin.
3 days x 5 hours on him,

gg abit mad le.

i hope i wasnt influenced by him to wear a black shirt and black skirt with black shoes and carrying a black handbag and black guitar bag TO SCH.

might be a dream i had last night.
was shot by somebody who said he loved me -.-
scarryyyyy haha
so today i'll be mourning for myself..

it could be also because

i watched Lenin's funeral clip too many times.
i even wanted to put Lenin's embalmed body picture here.
but figured its kinda morbid!

so i'll put something more cheery,
STALIN THE LOVING FATHER.

i hope i can tie up the ends soon,
gg hope to prepare some food for LGee tonight @ lorelle's house!

she lives near ECP!

yea tonight i can bring my guitar and sit by the beach.

2010-03-18T11:13:00.006+08:00

thought i smelt someth familiar...
so many ppl using the same deo!

Jewel licked my face and my lips =)
She loves me !

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远
或许命运的签只让我们遇见

~周杰伦 - 不能说的秘密

2010-03-17T12:08:00.005+08:00

its not gg away is it?

when you are feeling like this ,

you really NEED time to fly faster....
hais. . . . . . . . . .
emotions, im gna conquer you!!!

hang on!
here we gooooOOOooOOOOooOOOooooooooOOOoo....

you are stronger, you are stronger....

haha, i just cheered myself up,
working alone in a big big empty office preparing lessons about stalin
can be luxury as well as a place where your emotions run wild!

with wadever that is conflicting up there,
i hope i don end out as crazy as stalin..

jesus you are lord of all.

2010-03-15T09:44:00.002+08:00

. you shud watch it =)

"Why not?"
I told her that story, too. Don't ask me why. iknew i should have been putting my best foot forward and tossing out crap to impress her, but with Savannah that wasn't possible. For whatever reason, she made me want to tell the truth, even though i barely knew her.When i finished she was wearing a curious expression.
"Yeah, i was a jerk," i offered, knowing that there were other, probably more accurate words to describe me back then, all of which were profane enough to offend her.
"It sounds like it." she said, " but that's not what i was thinking. i was trying to imagine you back then, because you seem nothing like that person now."

-Dear John page 69-70

I cant believe there is so much similarity in that book and what i feel! =)

- <3 - < 3

brother, there is no such thing as you cant live wout someone.
you cant live wout air, probably cant live long wout water and food.
but you definitey can live wout someone you have not live w in the past.
i knw its hard, just one and a half years ago, i didn think i could live wout someone too.
when my teammates told me the exact same words, i only tried to believe them.
but i was glad that they understood me.

but slowly slowly, i realise that i could live fine wout him.
and when time passed, i realise i could think of him and feel happy about the times we were tgt,
happy about wad he taught me about life and wad i learnt about myself when i was w him..
and now, im so sure that i am happier living wout him,
cuz im not jus living for one guy,
im living for God,
and myself,
and my family,
and my friends,
and my students,
and people that i wna help.

Life becomes significant.
when you know
God's grace and love is sufficient.

light of the world

2010-03-12T20:46:00.003+08:00

double coincidence today.
pretty cool. =)

how shall i describe it...
hmmm..

its just like you haven met your best fren in a while,
and you sudd thought of her and wna give her someth,
you walked out of your house,
goes down the stairs
and found her walking up. =)

(above is a pure analogy, i didn actually walked out of my house and see my cousin,
btw i met my cousin for dinner on tues,
Sakura @ Safra.... SUPER NICE!! )
haha.

oh yeah, the second coincidence was when you say bye and went back into your house,
the next moment your doorbell rang and its your cousin.

and you knw exactly wad she wanted to ask before she even spoke.

and yes, the smile :)

- <3>

today's Kahchin's last dayy!
we will definitely miss you mannn!!!
arh..
our triangle became a square,
and den now,
it has slowly disintegrated to form a line =(
arrhhh....

why must guys serve NS.. =(
ok that's not from the bottom of my heart,
NS serve boys well,
boys shud go! hahaha....
evil~

students were so nice to kahchin!!
aww so sweet...
i thk there were 8-10 of them,
they waited outside our room for close to 1 hour for him!

bye kahchin, thanks for the lovely card w apples and e pic and e lollipop.

i never knew guys could do someth like that until today!!
thank God i met such a wonderful colleague like you!

- <3>

& ytd 6/9 of TamTam gals went to celebrate Rach's bday =)
its the first time we had such fellowship =)
Love Rach!

and Lor, and Mabel , and Yuru, and STEF!

Stef's love story is so swweett..

- <3>

and my sis just reminds me of the old me.
she's playing with the rubberband..
you knw that trick when you rub the rubber band up and down your forearm,
and den pull it out and twist it w your hands until it gets knoted up,
den then you break it,
and ta-da it didn break?

my cute pri 3 sis thinks its her trick!
culture =)

-
- <3>

light of the world, you came down into darkness,
open my eyes let me see...

2010-03-08T20:47:00.004+08:00

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me...

Finally can come home early from sch to watch TV.
American Idol =)

and play guitar.
Qingtian... a song that can bring nostalgia to almost everyone..
i wonder when can i learn the next part of the tabs...

watching animal farm on youtube now...
ITS FOR WORK!
history holiday homework planning...
students will learn about communist Russia next term,
animal farm is so apt! XD
i wonder if my students can stand watching a one hour plus movie for HW...

btw my chi class went super well today.
i managed to get their attention for once --when im teaching that is.
=)　ｈ　ａ　ｐ　ｐ　ｙ　．．．

read this story iin the book im currently reading...

Building well sometimes mean first tearing down
For his son's 13th birthday, the father handed over a small box.

"Inside the box is the tool i used the most. "
The son opened it and saw a nail puller.
"Nail puller , simple as it might seem," explained the father, " is one of the most important tools
i have."

The father told the story of how once , while in the middle of building a wall, he discovered that it was crocked. Instead of halting the construction and undoing a little work to fix the wall, he decided to proceed, hoping that the problem would go away as he continued to build.

However, the probem only worsened. Eventually, at a great loss of materials and time, he had to tear down the nearly completed wall and totally rebuild it.

"Son'" the father said gravely, "times will come in life when you realsie you've made a mistake. At that moment, you have two choices: You can swallow your pride and pull a few nails, or you can foolishly continue your course, hoping that the problem will go away. Most of the time the problem will only get worse. Im giving you this tool to remind you of this principle : when you realise you've made a mistake, the best thing you can do is tear down the wall and start over. "

thanks for your prayers! its working its working!

2010-03-07T02:55:00.000+08:00

cant sleep ZzzZzzZzzZzz...

reaching out for the guitar
.... .... ....

2010-03-06T10:22:00.003+08:00

thanks ppl for all your well wishes and prayers for A level results.
it really was very good , and I shud be able to get into psyc / hist at NUS..
but there's something that is weighing down in my heart,
like a grim-reaper playing the swings in there .

pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray
pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray
pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray
pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray
pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray
pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray
pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray

have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith
have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith
have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith
have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith
have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith
have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith
have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith have faith

just remember that your life is significant.

I know the plans I have for you...
"...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..."

Jeremiah 29:11

come, now is the time to worship.

what hurts the most?

2010-02-27T01:08:00.004+08:00

i changed blogskin cuz....
some of the tamtams commented that they could read my previous blog posts cuz the alignment wasnt right.

so i changed =)

l met with some of the tamtams today when we went to fetch yuru home =)

so glad to see that God has kept her safe and glowing -- literally.

talked about stuff..........................................................
realised that we really needa communicate w each other more,
middle-men muddle things up.

We have been trying,
i can vouch that we have.
Please allow us to love you.

i have faith that God will help us thru this =)
________________________________

went w jiahui and chinyang for supper,
had a really awesome time =)
guess students impact and inspire teachers too ;)
a l o t .

like how you did.
i will support you all the way.
but for me to support you all the way,
you have to go all the way.
you must rely on your own two feet, and hands if you need to crawl.
so far, you have proved that you can.

life's something more,
its a lot more.
Don play it away.

___________________________________

side track, must hear "what hurts the most " by Danny Gokey!
it was a tribute to his late wife.
it brought tears to my eyes!

when i was looking at the lyrics,
i wasnt just thinking about my exbf,
actually he rarely appeared in my head.
i was actually thinking about my mum, my students, my Lg...
and all those who are dear to me,
all those who i love,
what happens if they leave wout hearing what i have to say?

LYRICS

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo

=)

_______________________________________________

2010-02-20T09:54:00.003+08:00

sch's great and i look forward to seeing my students everyday XD

conversation of the week...

" i very sad, i cannot do finish history essay. cant get so high marks ): wanted to do you proud. "
you already did by passing your first ever test in so long :D

&

"i studied for 1 hour"

the change i slowly see in you really really made my day, every day.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

to be or not to be ? ? ?

2010-02-11T00:06:00.004+08:00

so nice hor? gna share with my kids tmr if can!!

im inspired by Yuru's blog so im gna count down like her!

last wed to this wed.....

50 times or more said "ok" or "听得懂吗?" ---teaching hazard

20 times i was thinking about rulers and how to draw boundaries and finding out that i erased them all again... i just cant bear to draw lines w these kids....

10 times i prayed for wisdom. Really need it in abundance to teach.

9 times i repeated why is the treaty of Versailles unfair. And i still wonder if im clear

8 times i repeated that we always need to LINK BACK TO THE QUES, and
I need to increase the frequency next week

7 times i praise God for the new day. for this is the day, this is the day....

6 times A DAY i walked to the office from my room which is in the 3rd floor to find my
supervisors.

5 times i replied smses one day late! Sorry.

4 times i picked up the guitar and play... that's too little!!!! ARGH NO TIME!

3 times i went for CCA and went home at 6pm.

2 times i have sat in HH car. its so fun and relaxing la. i feel like a queen. haha. and too bad HH
got into an accident and his poor honda was scarred. we look like idoits sitting on the carpark
floor and scratching away the paint left by the other car! He scolds his GPS frequently. its so
hilarious. " 直走 20 米后转左,在转右. 重新计算....." "你笨蛋啦!"

1 time i thought about him.
finally after 15 long months.... im gg to be f r e e . thank god. and thanks to my
Lifegroup and others who have been praying for me.

0 time i left sch at 145 and i leave sch happily everyday

5 things i cant wait

- To open my eyes and see the new day tmr
- To see my students
- To finish marking History test
- TAMTAM STEAMBOAT
- To see if You're doing fine tmr XD

2010-02-01T17:21:00.003+08:00

Im used to ppl calling me Miss Chua alr XD

But me and W almost dropped out spoons when we heard " MISS CHUUUAAA...."
from Hagen Das.. Cynthia shouted all across TM from Isetan!!
She's just so cute, but she's just one of my....

...crazy happening overfrenly very cute gals =)

the sec5s + cyn=)
the seasons's over, but O level season has jus begun!
F I G H T O N !

haven got to knw the guys team well yet, they're having a match against bedok town, all the best!

oh yeah, and im SO SO SO SO happy and proud of my 3 express chinese class results!
6ppl got A and 5 ppl got B !!

The enchantment began when I see your faces looking up axiously, followed by your eyes lighting up and your lips pulled to a smile. Then when you stood up, one by one, grinning to yourselves as you receive your results, that is when my heart lit up as well.

you guys make chi lessons so challenging a moment , yet so fun the next,
talking to some of you make me wna have a bro!
and your essays are the best,
highly entertaining.. XD XD
you guys just make me look forward to chi...

meanwhile my weekends are just as eventful.
i really needed them to recharge spiritually and physically.
i realised ( again ) how blessed i am to be able to grow in a loving community.

like what ben said " We are too loving, its not the norm. "
i hope we remain this way, always supporting and hearing each other out.
even though its not our trials and sorrows, we feel equally upset and angered.
even though its not our lessons, God has taught us thru each other's.

this time it is about submission and leadership..
...
true leaders do not have to always be the head of a proj,
true leaders are the ones that reaches deep into the hearts of the inexperienced and pull them up to lead
...

we shant judge,
i'll keep you in prayer.

2010-01-16T10:38:00.003+08:00

This week has been really busy.
i started my first week observing lessons and attending staff meetings at Bedok North =) i had nice supervisors, very very nice infact =) but i got quite sick 4 days into duty. the overwehlming stress of teaching that spreads around in the staffroom! everyday is a new challenge and surprise in BNSS,
The first day i step into the sch, i immediately realise how dunmanians have taken our sch environment for granted. and aft watching the year5 orientation, i was both happy and sad. i was happy to see my juniors so exciting and spiked up for the senior high, yet
" Will my students ever get to plan someth this scale? Will my students ever get to lead their peers and influence and guide their juniors in this way? Will they ever form an sch or level identity and be so proud of it? Will they be able to see their dreams and future come true? Will they believe that they are unique, special and very important? Will they see themselves as the change / the leaders of tmr? " Will i be able to make them believe in education? Will i be able to help them improve their lives?

guess i would be pondering on these questions day and night!
but its good, better than emo-ing in one corner about the unattainable XD
gg out to PAWPAW hse ltr!
i am gg to be a food taster ltr,
and my teammates are gna be the chefs!
my team is so cute and sweet. XD
THANKS!

and my sis,
she woke up early to made my 3 meals ytd!
although i ate egg cheese and ham sandwiches fro 3 meals,
love fills me!

and my cute colleagues!
ZC gave me my first bday card!
its a postcard of VJC,
i wil definitely remember you are from VJ
and KC drew me a card and slid it in my wallet.
it was such a special surprisE!
i was smiling all the way on the bus until the uncle next to me thought i was crazy.
YOU GUYS ROCK!

I went DHS to collect someth and my juniors told me that grace w ans to surprise me =)
my juniors are so cute huh.
and i scare them by saying wad happened in BNSS!
the horror on jiaqi and crystal's face! haha.
so cute
THANKS agn GRACIE AND JUN=)
jun is so cute when he described the new principal!!

aft that it was LG!
we had a hello kitty cake cuz fel loves hello kitty!!
LZ prayed a prayer that thanked God for my long 19 years. haha
and pray that i wont be dead soon--or someth similar.
so funny.
and i love e book that i got!
even though i requested for it XDXD

oh and i went for ISAC/ASEAN chalet.
the room was dark and i saw ms aw hiding behind the door.
haha.
the mango cake was fantastic!!!

haha am i supposed to list down the names of ppl that wished me happy bday thru FB and sms??
thanks everyone!!!!!

nicholas gave us in handout during R pillar meeting,
"chasing after emptiness and becoming empty"
As such, there is no greater priority in life than that of nourishing the soul.

Have you ever felt so busy that you dno wad you have been doing?

This sounds scary but it happens to so many ppl, its not not the accountants and bankers, lawyers or scientists, we can get the "chasing aft emptiness" bug in all professions today. *hint teachers are very busy ppl. BNSS intern go home as late as 630pm even though we have not started teaching yet! and I realised work dont end in sch, before you slp you would thk of ur students*
but im glad nicholas shared w us the extract, cuz even it reminds me that I have to 'nourish my soul' daily,
some tips from the extract..
we can nourish ourselves daily by having time to...

Study: be it reading the word, or reading a good book/ news ( RACH LEE YOU HAVE SURPASSED ME GREATLY IN THAT TELL YOUR MUM !) In our busy world, we ought to give deliberate time for refreshing study.
It engages the reflection of the mind and the contemplation of the soul--which are desperately needed

Solitude:be it stoning alone, or lying in bed wout sleeping and just thking about the day Solitude cultivate awareness. awareness is the birth of maturity. Thus, time is needed for the aloneness of the soul.

Service : be it doing someth nice for your students/teachers/frens/family, or going some CIP service is the outward expression of the inner soul. It is the outflow of life. the state of our soul ultimately determines the quality of our service!

Surrender: surrendering our life to God , praying, acknowledging our weakness with a surrendered life, we can find it profoundly blissful even in the midst of a restless world.

are you running around wout purpose?

2010-01-08T23:41:00.004+08:00

WELCOME 2010!

i never had a xmas that was as busy,
but as peaceful, and fulfilling (spirit , mind and stomach).
the busy-ness has overflown into this year!!

i had caroling, xmas service, xmas service at cityharvest, parties,
TamTam new year bash, learning the guitar,
new commitments in ympact,
old commitments to keep in ympact,
tuition to give, mandarin classes to conduct for PRCs..
....and is soon going to begin teaching at bedok north!

Made new year resolutions,
which i have ever intention to abide!
yea, which means i will get to eat veges XD

today was EPYC,
there is so much we are gna achieve as an Lg this year!

Tmr's gna be exciting too
will be gg training tmr, followed by senior youth,
follwed by playing ball w the Young adults.

i cant wait to see how 2010 unfolds.
its gna be filled w challenges and excitement....

....so I shall not be downcasted over that matter. =)

2009-12-28T17:05:00.004+08:00

before i post about xmas, (which is awesome cuz GOD is awesome)

i sudd feel an urge to post about this,

i joined a facebook grp "i try to fall back aslp to finish my dream"
or some sort.
then there is this post that asked,

"what is your sweetest dream?"

i always have very very vivid dreams=)
i can rmb my dreams pretty well.

but there is one that is so sweet and so real.

it was my birthday,
we went to a restaurant to celebrate =)
he planned everyth, from the menu to the decorations,
and the music.
heart shaped balloons filled the place.
there were pics hanging around,
pics from when we first got tgt,
to our wedding pics.

he was smiling
i was smiling.
we were surrounded by this feathery white smoke.

not exactly very sweet right?

but this dream was a gift from God,
it was around this time last year that i had this dream,
and i was literally drowning in sorrow...

1 year ago, i woke up crying, just like how i cried myself to slp.
it was a nightmare.
i would never have imagined describing it as my sweetest dream.

"consider it pure joy, my brothers, if you meet trials of any kind,
because the testing of faith develops perseverance, and perseverance must finish
its work so that you may be complete, not lacking anything. "
-James 1:2,3,4

Guess i really matured a lot in 2009.
it is out of the mud and desert, that we can come up stronger and more confident of ourselves.

God works in ways we do not und ,
but its always to prune us,
so that we could bear more fruits.

2009-12-26T22:49:00.009+08:00

Young Adults Retreat 09

3 days of fellowship and spiritual journey w God!

Fun times!

it was just so comfortable to hang out w the YAs.
they really dote on us (me and yr and eugene were the youngest)

had an unforgettable time w God in the 2nd morning.
me and yuru went up a tree house.
and we saw an amazing view of God's glory!
the sea was golden, the colour of light,
we were thinking if heaven's like this ...

and i saw footprints in the sand...
it was an afirmation for me to go forward in serving God in ympact next year,
cuz God'll be w me!

yuru saw the waves beating against the rock and got reminded of how trials and obstacles
mould us...

the afternn in suana was an experience.
have anyone tried doing their quiet time in a suana?!!
we thought suana was a gd stimulation of the desert!
we had a gd talk aft that !

the love from everyone was real..

god's love was and is real..

2009-12-20T07:32:00.006+08:00

im back aft a week from home!
thank God for camp and retreat,
they are really the most meaningful time i've spent apart from caroling aft A's!

i still misssss camp so much!
but i couldn upload SIMON grp pic i dno why!!

all that times we had wout distraction from the internet and tv.
all the times we spent w God and each other.
all the times that we were so desperate to hold on to the everlasting word.

feel abit wierd now not hurrying the group to gather, or to drink water or to stop talking!
it was very very very satisfying to see the group become more aware of God's awesome power and become more and more attentive during sermon.
so glad to ppl members who are not flipping the bible regularly finally reaching a verse faster than me.
so glad to see distant members taking intiative to help each other =)

God really ignited someth in camp,
heard so many amazing testimonies from campers!

One of my fren saw an image of her and a fren walking down a lane
when the pastor encouraged us to pray for a fren.
she asked God,
"is this 4 real or am i just imaging things... please give me a sign."
immediately a verse reference flashed across her eyes, " Jeremiah 1:12 "
she immediately flipped to the bible and got a shock, it says
"The Lord said to me, "you have seen correctly, for I am watching to see that my word is fulfilled."

God has been really real to me this camp too =)
felt the holy spirit grieving when i resisted the altar call,
and felt so much peace and forgiveness when i finally knelt before the cross.

luke 9:23
if anyone would follow me, he must deny himself,
pick up his cross daily and follow me.

my favourite gals!

my AGL and partner!

TAMTAMS AT CAMP

bon vogaye LZ LJ and CY!

Young adults retreat was awesome,
but i'll blog about it when i got the pics!

2009-12-11T09:03:00.009+08:00

spent some time w my sisters and mum this hols!

went ice-skating,
shopping,
eating,
attending my mum's fren wedding with her!
playing at the arcade =)

supposed to teach my sis differentiation but she's still asleep!

going for 13th crossing camp preparation ltr today...
i have high expectations for this camp!
i hope God can ignite a revival in the hearts of our youths!
but im as nervous as im excited too, this time grp leaders would take on heavier tasks!

spent some time with liangjie (my assistant group leader) we made an encouragement board!
i was telling him this is gd cuz by spending the night making it,
we alr grew attached to our grp members before actually seeing them.

SO LOOKING FORWARD TO CAMP!
(and the young adults retreat to malaysia aft that!)

2009-12-11T08:03:00.010+08:00

this is for jun who doesn have a facebook, go get one!!

not everybody uploaded their pics yet, i post somemore agan!

brother =)

jun, this is my class, but everybody is looking at another camera...

xiaotian
rebecca : i like the flower on her head

our team!

and some other ppl you might want to see..

jo and nat

tz and steffi

gay guys haha.

prom kings and queens nominee

andrew and zhixin

had an enjoyable evening!
wished you were there!

it was nice meeting and chatting w u ytd!
stay strong in your faith!!
rmb our coooOl vision =)

2009-12-03T03:47:00.005+08:00

To what extent should be obey our parents?
i knew that I had to obey regardless, unless its in a way that go against God's will.
i knew we had to turn the other cheek...
but it was really hard for me to take in another string of vulgarities, illogical judgements and his irrationality.
i donwan to see my mum being pushed around and beaten up again...
monday he actually called me someth reallyreally bad that is too crude to be said here.
He wanted to severe all ties w me and was that close to chasing me out of the house.
its because of a small matter again....

why does he keep on saying that I am so bad bad bad bad and worthless?

i told my mum i couldn take it anymore,
and i asked her how could she endure under his temper for 20 years..

my mum said something that made the earth shake beneath my feet.

"口是别人的,要怎么讲就怎么讲.
要像耶酥,被人打,被人骂,都不出声. "

"他扔我的东西,辱骂我, 我都不在意,
因为我知道他需要我比我需要他多."

"如果他杀你,只是杀你的肉体, 不能杀你的灵魂,
更快上天国不是很好吗?"

"你圣经读那么多怎么不明白神的宽容?
不管他有多坏,他还是你的父亲,所以你要让步.
你不用判他,让神判他."

that day, i learnt that i haven been able to truely act out wad i knew at the back of my head.
wad i have been learning in masterlife about discipleship, is it just theory?
wout receiving enuf authority and respect in the family, which is literally all that he have got,
my dad who has a character of an extremely self-righteous king would be very miserable.
i have to try to understand how his logic centre works,
and learn how to not trigger the temper button.

It is time that i can demonstrate God's forgiveness and love.

please pray for my father to change.

i hope that the next time any of us gets upset w our parents,
we'll try to put ourselves in their shoes before disobeying them.

p.s. im not sad/angry now so donworry.
im enlightened!
today i went out w my sis and sunye and went happily for carolling aft that=)

2009-11-13T21:01:00.004+08:00

B E F O R E

with such a table, didn hv the mood to study at all...
had to set up a makeshift table in e bedroom....

and after maths paper today...
which marks the more than half way thru A levels,
and with a loonng weekend ahead...
i decided to clear my table!!

Gp > maths

CLL....
2 ring files, 5 normal files and...8 texts?!!
i left out 1 black lil cha guan book.
yes! 3 subjects are done!!!!

and my table is now...

SOOO HAPPY!!

-------

i miss my baby ~
she's not coming home tonight!
WHO WILL I SLEEP WITH!!

gna call my baby le!

gd night everybody,
cant wait for senior youth service tmr!

2009-11-07T17:28:00.002+08:00

CLL P1 is over XD

<<六国论>>六国破灭,非兵不利,战不善,弊在赂秦...
<<岳阳楼>>若夫霪雨霏霏,连月不开,阴风怒号,浊浪排空,日星隐耀,山岳潜形,
薄暮冥冥,虎啸猿啼...

im glad i took CLL...
if not i would NEVER know wad the above mean.. XD
and i would not have missed out so much of the chinese culture and
beautiful poetry ~~~~

looking thru my thick chinese file,
it was such a struggle !
i wrote more chinese in these 2 years than i ever have in my whole life!

some of us started knowing nothing about 鲁迅,红楼梦,三国演义.
the only poem we had no problem reciting was 李白的<<静夜思>> !
we dont hv a clue about 宋词 or 文化大革命...
杨过,小龙女 is probably all we know about 金庸's novel..

but now, we can even recite some famous poetry and classics!
we could even analyse them (and show off to our MEP frens XD XD)

looking at some of my compo and poetry,
and the books i nv thought i would have touched if not for CLL,
im happy that i've gained an tiny speck of the rich chi culture thru literature.

wna thank the best chinese teachers !
吴老师, 卢老师, 王老师, 黄老师,
for not giving up on us, always always inspiring us,
and circling our countless 错别字!
thanks for dripping some of your passion for the subject on us..

sudd i feel cultured XD
突然有种洒脱的感觉, 会考考什么成绩都不重要了!
忘怀得失, 就像五柳先生一样 !

----------

meanwhile....

i have decided to go duolos for the STEP programme,
its a missionary-cum-floatingbookshop,
it will travel the world and bring books for the poor and needy,
as long as provide medical help.
It brings a glimmer of hope into their lives XD

have to say it's god answering yuru's prayer.
rmb at first was quite unwilling to consider cuz of my family and the money
and being away for so long (13JUNE to 24 AUG) and missing uni..

but anyway i hv decided to serve and help as many ppl as i can
aft As so WHY NOT XD

and i've been selected for the MOE teaching internship!
this is someth i really really wanted since last year,
glad it's in accordance to His will. XD
& i wud be gg to bedok north to teach next year,
thankks for all the concern but i thk i wud be able to handle?
anybody staying at bedok reservior wna to teach at bedok north to accompany me?
LEEYAN COME!
haha XD

------------

oh yeah, single's day is approaching..
11/11 =)
let us
show the world that we are alone yet not lonely !
for there is so much thrills and enjoyment we could seek,
our mind is free and we truely reflect and thk of what and who is truely worth our time and love!

let us
throw our hearts out to celebrate our liberty XD

2009-10-06T06:10:00.006+08:00

got back my results.
i was amazed !
i prayed for 65 for CLL and i got 65.0
and A for econs and i got 70.0 !!

i thought i wud fail my gp essay but i got really high...
and another unexpectated surprise was that i finally finally got A for GP!

i was SOOOOOoooo happy and thankful!

even though some of my math didn do well,
but im still super contented wif my other results.

perhaps ABBC A isnt wad some ppl would be happy about,
its always good to have a grateful heart!
recent studies have shown that practicing gratitude leads to a healthier, more fulfilling and others-centred life!!
it enriches yourself and enriches others!

so those ppl who made improvements,
you ought to be very happy,
cuz don be always comparing with others,
there will always be ppl better and worse off than you,
but always strive to improve!!

for those who didn do too well,
i knw it must have been awful.
its prelims...
but transfer the regret into strength and push on!!!

marking days.....

THURS
attempted to study
FUN POWER: *

FRI went cycling wif sherm and jh!
we cycled from bedok reservior to my sch and back,
thru ECP and park connectors.
cycled from around 10 till 5?
and played bball in sch.

night was LG!
i always look forward to LG =)

& it's JERYL's BIRTHDAY XD
happy bday ~

FUN POWER ****

SAT
SENTOSA wif team!
had picnic,played soccer, vball , frisbee and swam!
first time i scored a few goals!
spurred up a new fever of soccer in me XD
frisbee and vball too!!
XD
so hang nv hang out w team, but everyth still feels the same =)

FUN POWER *****

SUN
church!
pastor aaron shared about prayer.
how we shud perserve even though god seemed to be silent.
he gave biblical reasons why god remains silent
1) its not his will at all
2) we ask for the wrong motives
3) angels VS demons (the demons are hindering the angels which are holding on to God's ans . as from book of daniel )
4) he is answering, just that we don see it. he is doing someth unknown to us!

had a really nice session wif SG agn!
i thk we all felt a gush of faith wandering back into our hearts!

FAITH POWER : *****

cute panda? haha

2009-09-30T01:49:00.009+08:00

forgot my xanga/lj journal so im back here!
last post we a reflection of a current mood, so donworry ppl,
im still ever happy~ SMILE

PRELIMS ARE OVER!
went out wif guppy for a day of shopping for children day's gift.

found out that we are deprived children,
guppy of scientific experiment toys,
me of sticker making machines...
had a GREAT DINNER
thanks buddy!

den i went on a car ride !
first time in a senior's car,
abit scared at first but its so cool la can drive!
went airport one round den go back.

rethinking earlier, 2weeks ago,
i gave this to my SG!
hope they'll pass EOYS with sugar around their lips!
sure will , the grace of god in grp prayers!

this week had heart to heart talk wif them.
heartbreaks and rejects, we all had a fair share.
let us not,
never,
let them go to waste.
transform these negative feelings into postitive energy that cud propel you forward!!

went pinky's party too!
had gd time of catching up w old frens!
happy birthday pinky!

speaking about pink, last sun me rach fel and mich wore pink!
but i donhv the pic wif me.
hope rach's workshifts will come out gd!

shugo chara!
i normally donlike anime but oh well..
suddenly like them.

ikuto is SO CUTE,
as cute as this panda,
dont u thk?

amu is SO SO CUTE too.

dno if the ikuto likes amu even though he saved her quite a few times...

There is even a forum predicting that they will be tgt.
but if things stay the way they were, it would be more exciting XD

2009-09-12T21:10:00.000+08:00

here's a poem i always wanted to post but didn have the mood to.
now i finally feel the mood.

A hundred ways to say your name
by tania rozario.

I avoid speaking your name in conversation,
throwing it to the air as if it were nothing
more than an assumption of you; it is my last
mode of defence. The last item of clothing
to discard before I realise I’m naked in public.

Because they can hear it in my voice. I know.
Even in that one short syllable that means
everything and nothing; your name is as common
as you are rare. As easy as you are not.
As simple as love should be, but never is.

But when I’m alone, I tie my tongue softly
round the familiar sound, as if pronouncing
with conviction the phonetics of desire
will cause time to pause just long enough
for the earth to hear my naming my loss.

very apt.

feeling somehow raw agn.
gna talk to my pastor tmr
it feels like im gna open up some old wounds that i have so successfully numbed.

as wierd as it seems, i kinda like this raw feeling.
like happiness, when u feel this way, you feel refreshingly alive.
it makes u thk deep and gd.
i dno bout u, but it reminds me to treasure every blossom I see by the roadside.

2009-09-06T20:22:00.000+08:00

UNITE WAS SUPER FUN!

it was super tiring alright,
all of us slept thru a mini-accident on the night bus!!
haha, god's mercy nobody woke up!
poor bertrand cudnt sleep have to look aft all of us!

wif my adorable grp, its nothing like 2am even thought we were walking around SMU in circles XD
i love our spirit!
walking to national indoor stadium from kallang cuz we missed the bus and donwna skip the stn, walking from the stadium to raffles hospital cuz there was no buses operating alr,
walking to SMU from there...
attempting to be backstreetboys,
sleeping outside the esplanade..
praying outside the esplanade..
GUYS RMB THESE FOREVER!

its a pity it rained,
the event was so smooth!
really thank the planning commm for their hardwork!

snipshots of august!
it has been exhilarating

PHOTO SHOOT, so fun!
netball wif 34!

tcher's day!!

tamtams of course ,
wad is me wout you all?
sc junoirs cheering us on!

& this one's for you,

天生我材必有用.
终日向天呐喊的你,
停息一会儿,
听听生命的旋律,
好吗?

photos..

2009-08-13T20:46:00.000+08:00

im gg to change to xanga! blogger got big big prob, now doneven have borders =(

i took 4hours to choose pictures for the graduation memoral thingy.
all the memories kept flooding back and flooding back....

from the ice and water of 1f/2f,
to the unforgettable chiangmai trip, my first overseas trip with the sch,
to the countless trainings and teambonding,
to 3b/4b history lessons,
to we-are-loving-PW-so much,
i almost cried when i saw our bleary eyed / starry eyed pic after bathing at kow's house!
and finally, me beloved 34!!!!!!!!!!

AHHH!

photos, such a great way to freeze time and pleasant memories. =)
cheers to technology!
and the inventor, Joseph Nicéphore Niépce XD

2009-08-08T14:11:00.003+08:00

this is the third time im typing this, blogger has lotsa prob and im gg to change to xanga if this continues!
the pics some cut off halfway de, i cant minimise it =( . click on it to enlarge!

i have been feeling this week/weeks/month/months
mayb its cuz of the inner peace~

celebrated guppy's birthday last month. very overdued

and xiaotian's birthday too!

SG and LG are going well...
we had our first outing to the beach!

Ryan came up w yet another ingenious way of sharing.
he nv run out of ideas to make LG interesting,
or help us to understand the bible!

super cool thing happen.
ben was opening worship w a prayer, he said "Dear God, (den Ryan's phone rang )Yes God, we won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait we're yours (can guess wad was his sing tone). ....."

was sick for a week and it was terrible.
but i was at home!
i even collected a series of mr.men! who wans to give away mr bump can give it to me. i can exchange it w u for 2 mr.nosey-s!

my classmates were veh nice when i came back!
felt so warm and even more .
leeyan came to pass me hw everyday! =)

learn about 宝钗扑蝶 and 黛玉葬花 in CLL.
I can relate to both of them!
Sometimes you just wna run after nature, soaking in its simplicity, breathing in the sun…
Sometimes you look at nature and thk about life. life on earth is short, just like how flowers bloom and wither. While burying the flowers, it’s a way of respecting them and rekindling w nature!
Outlets of emotions =) (avoiding stares from jh )

After that me and xiaoyou tested Ho: 宝钗=明哲保身
against H1: 宝钗=心机重

We do not reject Ho and conclude that there is insufficient evidence that宝钗=心机重.

played capt ball on fri,
we had a fantastic team and we won 1st!
Drakon rely team (gals) came in 1st too!
Drakon is finally leading 3 points for the house cup!
Im so thankful that it was a day of rest,
Sch’s stressful nowadays,
Revision mode alr!!

im gg to surrender all my stress to God and
make the best use of this hols!

p.s. poly ppl! Please takecare amidst choinging your projects!
Will keep you all in prayer, esp Ben!

2009-07-12T18:42:00.003+08:00

what happened? =(

2009-07-11T18:56:00.007+08:00

SENTOSA OUTING 6c34..

aft months of studying..
finally get to soak in the sun (there wasnt a lot of sun but there's still sun!)

i was very very very delighted throughout!
be it the class vball, league vball, snack times w eme, ly and yuru
the handball (wout bouncing ) sessions w the class

and the ...

photo-taking sessions!

a day out w the class (FINALLY)
a week ahead wout studies ( THANKFULLY, HBL was a dream come true! )
tgt w smiley ppl,
fooling around saying silly jokes,
and free carls junior burger!

im just really happy.
and really thankful that i can get to enjoy carefree moments like these....

sadly im down with flu and sorethroat on thurs and fri....
wished i hadnt so the celebration wud had been better....

cant upload the pics here i dno y =(

40days fast and pray has been gg on well..
cant wait for youth sunday,
for a revival in us?

2009-07-01T22:10:00.002+08:00

NANA
rushed home today to see her after 2 long days..
she's my new love!
someth i cud look after and shower love and attention to!
i cud jus look at her bright smile and happy eyes and be really really contented and happy!
after a grueling 2 days, and almost 12 hours of examinations....
you just want to see your love being reciprocated....

some frens...

LEAN-leeyan

RAIN-jiahui

RAI-someth (such a long name that i cant rmb!)- xiaotian

dont you thk our pets carrys some of our personality traits,
or jus reflect our inner self?
(rain just feels like jiahui, not to mention lean)
mayb i cud write a thesis paper on it if i study pet psychology in UNI ><

me in my sister's garden...

enjoying my sister's music, lying on her lovely bed...
its so like us =)

her "pink " room.
my sister is SUPER RICH, her house is filled w toys!

lastly, my house a week ago!
jiajin the philanthropist gave me a blue swing!

chem paper is hard =(
2 more papers to go.....
jiayou ppl!!
P(GOD IS IN US) union P(WITH U) = 1 !

haha, oh maths was not easy too,
cant finish >.< >.< >.<

2009-06-14T22:07:00.010+08:00

half of our hols are over!
catch a breath...

ASEAN09' ended on a high,
really proud of team dunman,
they managed to bag a tie for best delegation!!
wout ASEAN, this hol wud be incomplete.
so many friendships were forged,
among singaporeans and with our taiwan, brunei and india frens =)

wen-chieh :: 這才感覺到台灣涼爽的風和相機裡那曾經的新加坡搖滾夢....

.....只见相机里,遥远的背影成为无价之宝 =)
aww.. i really miss you guys.
esp hamizah, moses and darshar!
and of cuz 台湾的朋友们!
那天真的逛的很开心,一点都不累!

SCITECH won best reso!
although we werent that active in the summit,
you guys really gave me someth to cherish for a longlong time.
the outings~
even though there was only charis, hongzhi, jeremy and bryan..
i feel very blessed to know you guys!

jo and wynne,
you guys are the best co-chairs =)

im enjoying this hols so much,
i even love the mugging part =)

danzage pics=)
i love the dances.
especially the last chi dance by the senior hgh,
the more times i watch the dance,
the better it gets =)
and the garage gals look so pretty =)

2009-06-02T06:42:00.008+08:00

stealing some moments before i head to sch for maths lecture...

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y Y U R U !
although it felt like ALL our birthdays =)
@ryan's.

she got the procedure wrong!
she cut the cake when the candles are still on!

the girl power!

i look like im in love with the cake..

1 rose among 10 thorns.

the thorns are moving~

sims3' coming your way!
she cant believe it.

more food...and alot more fun =)

of cuz, nothing will be possible wout GOD..

and... RYAN

Yuru's really lucky, sunday we went to manhattan's to celebrate again aft church.
how gets to celebrate bday twice with the same ppl =)

2009-05-23T11:02:00.006+08:00

photos from the day we had an inspiring talk from coach.
he said we'll miss us =)
so touched!!
ting looks abit squashed XD

mrs coach according to grace!

interhouse was a real highlight of the week.
it seems so long since i touched a ball
and i find myself looking forward to playing ball.
missed it alrdy.
passing balls to sherm and yichen to shoot aroused some kind of nostlagia.
yichen ask me y donshoot y keep passing to her.
cuz i missed the feeling to passing the ball of hope to my teammates!
but ended up with bruises all over aft interhouse.
haha
finished my 2.4 in pain too =(

another highlight was getting super high for GP
it was abit unbelievable =)
i was happy the whole day.
happy that i finally made it,
but also worried if i can maintain it.

for econs ms leong actually put me into grp2,
which means i shud be able to do well in As.

ppl have so much belief in me
yet i donbelieve in myself.

maybe i shud start to change my target =)
&work hard for it!

ASEAN was super fun
esp w joseph and wynne.
benchmarking was productive,
i thk by the effort we are putting in to mark the scripts,
we didn shortchange the delegates =)

LG was enriching as always=)
thanks for being open=)
NEXT WEEK's celebration.
we finished our 3rd book!
its super funny over dinner how lorelle wanted to do "david"
and how joseph, me and rachel got linked up in a family tree!
and the jesus hairstyle! haha

that ended off my week nicely!

off to study GP!
which is approximately 1 big ring file, 1 small ring file and 1 normal file full!!

2009-05-10T21:36:00.002+08:00

把握了, 记住了,防守了,抢到了,
但球造反,有谁能怪?

想想,
除了一面牌,
我们没输什么.
除了一面牌,
我们什么都得到了.

从痛, 从累, 从泪, 又从痛.
什么苦头都吃尽了...

十五分钟, 三百三十粒.
一,二,三...
一百, 加油!
五一,五二,五三,
把握, 快一点,加油!
三百!
二七,二八......

排好,七十五秒.
冲.
排好,二十八秒.
冲.
排好, 七十八秒.
冲.
排好, 三十二秒.
冲.
排好, 七十八秒.
冲.
排好, 三十二秒.
冲.

发球.
两分钟解渴
再来...

但一起跑,一起拼,
什么苦都是甘甜的.

曾经畏惧的教练,
虽然还是有点怕他,
但不知为何,现在那么想他.
记得YJ那场球赛,
第一节过后
他临走之前握住我们的手,
我是多么不想放开.
那时我才发现
原来自己那么信任他,那么需要他的指引.
指路的灯,
在最暗时发出光芒.
教练从始至终都相信我们,
常常是我们不相信自己.
他不停为我们照路,
带给我们希望.
"你们相信我吗?"
他不怎么善于表达对我们的关心,
但他
会细心地为我们包扎扭伤的脚,
会为我们的失误睡不着,
会为我们德明篮球
三餐不定,
一周六天都呆在德明尽
管少受工钱,或生病了
也会来到球场看我们进步.
他很凶,
但若不是他的凶,
谁敢设想男女队,
每一个人
都会左手上篮,
会穿脚,half moon layup, 射三分...
可能对别人这不算什么,
但对我,
一个对自己的实力没抱多少希望的人
能做到那么多,是意想不到的!

很惋惜,
可能还是自己的心理障碍,或天生的柔弱迟钝,
既有训练但没能突飞猛进,
达到水准能和你们一起在第二圈拼搏,
不能为你们尽一份力..

但我的进步,出算门能称得上会打球的人,
还算一点小成就!

每个人都为了篮球付出了很多很多,
你,我,教练,老师..
但为了群体,为了彼此的
-- 牺牲--
都是值得.
你的牺牲,我们都体恤到,
都被肯定,
被珍惜,
涂上一层光,
储蓄到在梦想之库里.

和你们一起为梦想拼搏的经历
无论给我什么奖牌,
我都不愿意交出来...

2009-05-03T20:03:00.003+08:00

phew...
this week just flew past.
& i went to cityhall 4 days in a row!
and ytd i passed by cityhall on the way to orchard
and today i saw it on TV!
scary....

tues went to support xingxiang yuhui and frens
with jun =)
it was an excited journey there and back!
had a nice catch up wif her too!
haven been to an opera before
in some part of the show i really wished the actress cud speak faster!
haha i guess that's the artistic expression so..

but i thk xingxiang was really good,
and yuhui was a good host too !

i awoke on wednesday with a horror
i left my shoebag in victoria theatre ! !
how cud I =(
my babies are inside =(
i called the office 4 times
until the lady knws me by name,
each time she say donhave i was more n more depressed =(

i promised myself to be more careful.. =(

and i just bought the shoes 2 weeks ago for bball =(
i knew that im dead cuz i wud have no shoes to wear
and I only had $1 left with me till the rest of the week
and i cant bring myself to burden my mum.
i donwan her to be disappointed that i lost someth AGN.

during mr sng's inspiring speech i dno why i felt emotionally charged agn,
he talked about the 90/10 principal...
you cant control 10% of what had happened,
but 90% of what will happen depends on how you react to them.

mayb cuz i was so caught up with my loss that made me more sensitive.
when i saw susan boyle standing on stage and singing,
images of her being ridicued for 47years of her life and the struggles and changes she overcame came into my head.
den i thought of the ppl like susan but wout such exceptional talents and chances,
will there be even occasions when they feel comfort or acceptance from a crowd?

didn go n watch junior's match but
went back to VT to find it.
we searched every seat but to no avail.
the office lady finally saw my face.

i was still feeling down but i rmbed rebecca's encouragements earlier that day,
she said shoes are 生外物,不见了可以找回来. 不够钱可以借,然后慢慢还...
and someone really nice offered to pay for my losses.
( i rejected it agn n agn until we final strike a deal that i loan from him first and repay him ltr )
you know i cudn believe it,
i can get my babies back soon!

thurs went suntec for pepper lunch.
karen gave me a treat =)
belated bday gift!
missed you so much , you are really getting prettier by day!!

and friday....
i got them back!

i won leave you in smelly and stuffy shoe bags anymore! =)

真的非常非常感激张主席 =)
for tues, wed and fri =)

i learnt that some things, esp material stuff, if you lose them,
you'll get them back somehow although there is a price =)
and i thk its true 90% of the time...

but somethings you just cant no matter wad you are willing to pay..
these make up the 10%.
and since i cant control it,
i will treasure those memories (which are surprisingly not as bitter anymore,
rebecca you are right agn!! )

tmr's against VJC!
wecandoit!!

p.s. liangzhi, takecare!

we made it!

2009-04-27T19:16:00.005+08:00

(this is the nicest pic i thk, sherm grace or QY, i'll take down if u donlike it! )

WE MADE IT.
coach says we made history!
top8!
c e l e b r a t i o n !
so happy, i felt like it was another A for a lvls and better!!!

missed a very nice and empty backdoor pass by sherm =(
so happy coach gave me another chance to go on court
to 补偿...
and i scored one underbasket!
cant rmb or was it a step in?
all i cud thk of is i must get this one in for my team and my coach!!
if not im too useless alrdy.

so surprise to see supporters at that kind of timing,
thanks a lot,
hope we didn disappoint them!

n we got VJ NJ TJ for the next round,
i was msg ppl to pray for it.
anyth but vj and hc.

its still not gna be easy,
but we'll try our best!

sidetracking..
im caught on camera smiling..
its natural!
i donfind anything particularly funny actually!

2009-04-26T09:43:00.005+08:00

M O N D A Y !!!

suppose to be studying in school until dinner but ended up talking =)

laughed until my mouth pain.
cant rmb wad was so funny.
纵使是陌生人...

-----------------------------
my favourite show of now!

《射雕英雄传》

sat 730-930pm
sun 730-830/930pm

donthk they look compatible, huangrong is too cute and intelligent,
but the love btwn them is so 经典!
the promises they make to each other is so heart wrenching.
something like, " sorry a man cant break his promise, i have to marry huazheng,
but in my heart, there is only you and not huazheng. "
but a few episopes ltr, " i woud tell huazheng that you are the one i would marry,
wout you i would not survive. you are more impt then all the promises in the world. "

haha so mushy right.
i thk she is the prettiest!
刘诗诗- 穆念慈
cherie looks abit like her.

know who is acting as wanyan honglie?
its 郭亮!
i didn recognise him in the beginning.

i dno whether is it only in jingyong's book
or it really is in the past that ppl lived such simple lives,
living on nothing except love and hope.
the frenship, kinship, loyality displayed is so heartwarming!

i was so touched when a group of soldiers gave their lives and even use their last breath
to stand in a posture that surround their beloved king.
and they just died standing there, forever protecting the king.

2009-04-22T22:11:00.002+08:00

we're O N E step closer =0

didn play veh well
was as blur as always
maybe not being blur is an exception
but jh says must be confident so...
i can do it on fri!

WE CAN DO IT ON FRI!

thanks to the guys that came down to support us
and all the floods of wellwishes'
n the prayers from tamtam and my family!

cheer up pretty yellow flower!

2009-04-21T18:46:00.002+08:00

its tmr!!

that friday re-enacted

2009-04-10T21:16:00.002+08:00

i opened the folder today,
68 documents.
20 more was created in kow's computer.

with the slip of paper in hand,
everyth came rushing back.
the 3day2nights camp
the snores
the hairdryer
the dark community centre corner
how jochebed stayed up to arrange our GPF when we didnt even knw
how for the 100th time we corrected her "public"
how yuntong had her tired head rested on com lab's table
how she stored our memories in her camera
how our eyes lit up with kow's idea of the postcards
how he managed to say OK and smile to everyth, everyth
how zhenwei put all of us to sleep and stayed up to finish our WR alone
how we ate donuts in his father's office.
how much effort I put in
how much effort 039 put in.
how i enjoyed working wif 039.

i was fighting to control my tears when wu lao shi said our whole class got As.
it was a moment of jubilation for us.

the first thing was running to yuntong.
n when i hugged her,
i cried like mad.

i realised how much i love this grp.
i realised how much an affirmation is crucial for hardwork to feel perfect.

perfect.

and all this is impossible wout wu lao shi
i rmb how we complained abt her strictness,
her questioning everyth
her firmness
her relunctance to give us an answer
it was only question and no answer
why why why why
how how how how
what what what what
are u sure?

we didn knw wad to do
we didn knw if we cud trust her
but we did learn to trust
after sometime,
we finally learnt how she ticked.

during the last month,
wu lao shi was our ultimate strength.
she had the strength to guide us and spot our flaws
even though it was clear on her face that she did not hv enuf food or slp!

when she stayed wif us until 12plus at night,
we were so blacked out
i cud almost see e stars dancing
yet she was the most energetic among us
she was still picking out our grammer and correcting our structure
munching on her fish burger.

the pain she took in reading every word of our WR,
my whole class's WR....

xie xie wu lao shi!

5Di for Alvls won match the joy i have in me at that moment.
cuz its the drive of 5 ppl
the effort of 5 ppl
the sacrifice of 5 ppl
the belief of 5 ppl
the encouragement and strength of 5 ppl
the care and unity of 5ppl
the joy of 5 ppl.
and 1 very dedicated teacher.

i need to thank god for giving us such an enlightened teacher,
n for her to allocate us into grp by the very random register number way
4,9,14,19,24 =)

---------------------------

while we soaked in happiness,
there were so many others that had their worst day.
ppl were crying and crestfallen.
there was no doubt about the effort they put in.
that ugly crack in the flawless vase.
i cud emphatise.
cry, scream, eat, slp, guitar, hug your dad, mom, bf, gf
pray, hide, tear, throw, emo.
take your time,
and one fine morning when you wake up,
come back strong.

bravehearts,
wad dont kill you, makes you stronger.

---------------------------------------------
sermon today was a little heavy.
felt rather heavy inside even though its my 18th year hearing gd fri messages.
on the 6th hour, darkness came upon the earth.
burdened wif our sins ,past present and future,
the father had to leave his son.

den it was done.

2009-04-06T23:18:00.003+08:00

i attended your funeral
nobody wanted to part with you
some were sobbing
most of them had eyes that were red and teary
i sat down quietly at a corner
observing your family from afar
your dad looks older and weaker since i last saw him
holding your mum
she is hysterical
your brother and your friends guarded the place where you rested
they missed you.
the white velvet cloth that covers you were lifted up gently by the wind
i thought it was pretty
i thought maybe i could write a poem about it
i felt a tiny bit of guilt though
to thk of things that way
where everyone else is sour
maybe
i hv let you down
im sorry
but
it dawn to me that you will never ever attend my funeral
i wud have accepted an apology you know.
but sadly you can never apologise.

at least i made an effort to come by
even though you let me down (too much).

--adapted from the most famous and one of my fav author ji mi!! =)
ok i added in alot of details =)
i thk its cool.
dont you thk?

on a happier note,
life is wonderful.

especially when you are SOO thristy for SOO long and coach let you go to take a sip of water.
you wud hv agreed wif me den n thr
life tastes so great.

& to be able to lie under your blanket, after a hot bath, after an exhausting day...

like now!
=)

your life can be filled w joy if you can fill your mouth w joyous words =)

for ryan be s t r o n g =)

2009-03-29T19:46:00.004+08:00

bond7 march babies bday dinner =)

Daniel's bday last friday=)
my 3rd 21st bday.
i feel young =)

the theme was uniform!
thr was a few tk gals, acjc, NS guys,
chakat, ahs, ri, DHS, chijkatong, mac ITE, haising =)
alot of Victorians =)
i thk they can even sing their sch song there since daniel's from VS =)
& they all look super young..

i had lotsa fun =)

& i donated blood agn!
although its my 2nd time,
im still afraid of the pain n the needle(S)
veryveryscared!
luckily there is zhengkai, tiara who kept me laughing
chng who came down to visit me
vanessa's hand and jiahui constant encourage in my head!
really all i heard was jiahui den 10green bottles and "imagine running the last lap,
jiayoujiayou! "
n yuru came down to support me!
woah... hmm... thats alot of ppl around me!
kindness goes a longway, wout u all, there may be 1 less bag of AB+ blood in the bloodbank!

oh no i made it sound like a very big thing, actually is not very for most ppl.
there is a year5 that said , " this is my 6th time!"
haha..

but i was sweating in fear~
wanted to run away but when i thought maybe one person cud die if i ran away,
along with his dreams, his parents/wife's dreams all washed away...
i held back!!

& the verse for this week (actually it was last week cuz we didnt hv Lg last week)

i have been crucified with chrsit, i no longer live, but christ lives in me.
the life i live in the body, i live by faith in the son of god,
who loved me and gave himself for me. -Galatians 2:20

2009-03-24T00:22:00.003+08:00

today was .
felt that march hols was too short.
cousin says we only can/shud/ought to rest for 1 day and the rest but its
impossible cuz some of us have 1/2 camps =(

some amazing ppl with amazing holidays
yuru : SC camp, band camp
andrew: SC camp, bball trng on mon, bball camp thurs ,fri
jiahui : SC camp, bball trng on mon, tues, sat, cycling expedition on thurs and fri

so this hols wasnt productive (study wise) for me,
but i had a very good . i watched a super cool documentary on history channel, pure genius : the brain , i read 4/5 books, i had a good dinner wif my team, had a time at LG, able to wake up naturally to find the sun risen, teach my 1st sis surds, 2nd sis how to see a graph, 3rd sis 爷爷喜欢喝咖啡,不喜欢喝果汁, DID MY QT
and went shopping!

how great ~~was~~ IS life? =)

ok so today was back to sch agn,
i was so during the afternoon lessons...

alot of ppl i heard, when to for the A boys.
they played against the defending 1st runners up in nationals,
it must have been so .

when i heard the results, that we lost 51-53,
i was , , .
me, jia , jun and ting sat in the canteen and ...
the feeling was like we have just broken up with our boyfren --> TERRIBLE BEYOND DESCRIPTION
just 1 more basket, 3 more points we (it felt like us losing) could have a bright bringht BRIGHT future =(

felt so for them.
maybe is cuz we saw them train so hard,
maybe is cuz we ran alongside them for countless trng,
maybe is cuz we train under the same coach...

nevertheless, we have faith in them!

ALL THE WAY!!

coach was ruthless today,
we counted after training...
we ~~ran~~ SPRINTED
158
158
158
ONE FIVE EIGHT times up and down the court!
(warm up and drills not included cuz it wasnt running after your life den)

i reached home only at 945.
fell asleep eating until 12 and now trying to do my ISAC stuff...
hais,
coach says we're still not up to it yet.
1 month more...
<3 !!

last but not least,
it is SJ's bday today!

happy birthday, even though u thk it feels like this,
cheer up and have hope!!

dedicating this cute post to you =)

p.s. RAHCEL LEE ,PLEASE have a safe trip!

2009-03-18T21:35:00.002+08:00

im back from SC camp!
i willpost the photos soon,
i thk its great!
we bonded alot.
GRP2 was the best,
DRAKON beats the rest!

Mr Lee made us reflect alot,
and i thk all that has been spoken and learnt in the camp is crucial.
will bear them in mind =)

councillors!
its not too late,
how can it be too late?
we are not that old and weary,
we are only 17,18
we still have a long way in front of us. =)

cud feel the bond =)
n relief,
im sure the next batch can do better then us=)

looking back at the past week...

trng has become the other constant in life =)
tuesday's trng is super funny,
me n yanlin dashing to the other court when there is no rebound
and shujun swtiching team and did a fast break (i even threw the ball for her) for the other team
and comint saying nonsensical stuff =)

it wud be great if coach wud have mood like that every trng!

and not forgetting....
enoch's 21st bday =)

happy birthday enoch!
=)
have faith!

& last sunday...

wanted to go NUS open house on sun, but didn manage to find anybody =(
so i went shopping wif my sis aft church!
wasnt really shopping,
my shopping chart only had an ice-cream and an umbrella (it was raining)
but it was needed!
it was a luxury to be able to just relax and link arms and joke around parkway wif ur sis!

concluding that,
studying starts tmr=)

im still hoping for Lg by the beach,

bible verse for the week, " for where two or three come tgt in my name, there am I with them"
matthew 18:20

2009-03-10T17:04:00.002+08:00

LEP orientation was fun =)
we are supposed to come up with a poem that includes our names!
our poem came in 2nd.

(杨) 杨柳下
(刘) 流水边
(蔡) 才女梦 (孟)
盼谁归?

by
杨化 , 刘静晨, 孟庆一,蔡底拿

有对仗,
有节奏感,
有动有静,
有格式!

前两句写景,
营造气氛
后两句抒情 =)

有三美
有音乐美,绘画美,建筑美!

i actually learnt alot from CLL. =)
if not i wud nv knw how to appreciate chi poems!
i kinda enjoy reading them,
esp short novels wif unexpected twists..

but learning and enjoying CLL lessons in one thing..

doing well is another...

. , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , .
. , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , .struggling . , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - '
. , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , .
. , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , .
. , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , . . , - ' ^ ' - , .

but anyway we had our first frenly match against SAJC.
saw captain! haha still so used to calling her captain,
cant imagine it has been a year n a half wout her!
we actually managed to put up a fight wif them (they were4th in nationals)
for the first half..
we lost it in the end,
when they half court pressed us...

...
"等两边切了才进去懂吗?!"
"aggressive一点lah!"
"摔球才看人!"
"骗了then one count stop step in可以吗?!"

YES WE CAN =)
女队,加油!!

2009-03-05T21:13:00.006+08:00

CRASH concert =)
so many talented pppl in our class.

i dno whether she is playing right,
sometimes it seemed not quite right.
maybe its an effect!
haha
but im amazed by the breathing.
i took 3 breath as she held thru part of the melody.

eme n chenying on the piano.
=)
the duet!

its super funny.
joel looking at benjamin with that kind of look is so funny.

goodluck with music!

& gracie came back wearing her proud green uniform!
haha

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. Deuteronomy 6:5

RYAN ! i rmb wout refering =)

2009-02-27T23:41:00.003+08:00

the spirit of busy-ness is here agn..
i wonder how many ppl are still feeling carefree and blog hopping.

i wud love to.
but there is homework undone and tmr.
not to mention tests....

i asked my cousin how impt A lvls is,
she said very impt.
"ppl like us have to work harder to live the life that we wan."

wad if wad I want is simple?

there is a huge huge part of me urging me
to stop n look, stop n help.
if i were to die tmr,
i cud imagine myself crying in heaven
cuz i haven been as selfless as I wud want to.
i wud look down at those things i wud have solved,
fates i wud hv changed, lives i wud have improved
things that wud please God
but i haven cuz im so tired and tied by schwork.

such a big part of me feel so disappointed in myself that
cuz of this A lvl, im giving up so much to study.

i wish i cud let go of working hard

But being asian,
we tend to give up what we want to pursue from a greater collective interest.

i have to put myself n 3 more sisters thru university.
i want to buy a house that will enable my mum to have her own working room.
i cannot disappoint my uncle who has been helping my family out financially so 10years.
and so..

there is this trap feeling.
btwn wad I want and wad they want.
I want to achieve both,
but you cant cuz of limited activity in your grey matter,
and limited courage to step out of your comfortzone to help.
so you are trapped in btwn,
and getting only half returns in both.

i just pray for more wisdom, energy and courage.
and that i wud not die before loving all of wad god loved.

J I A Y O U to on your pursuit of happiness =)

2009-02-12T18:42:00.002+08:00

i thk this poster is cute!
our hopes are on the bright and bubbly year5s now =)

yea, i finally can wear my bball shoe in sch =)
our whole team finally have team shoe! ( diff design but same price and BRAND =) )
6 more pairs of shoes will join the pic soon =)

i suddenly feel say saying "i love you!" to all my teammates!
comint QY LY lich included =)

happy birthday sherm =)
<3

thank god i have boot camp tmr and sat.

2009-01-31T22:01:00.004+08:00

CNY with...

family
i played monopoly with my sisters to 守岁
i built 6 hotels in one stretch of road and own almost every land on the board
(they had to sell them to pay for visiting my hotels so frequent =))
but in the end i lost,
cuz they didn want to lose n i wanted to sleep. =)

the class!

looking forward to tmr's tuan bai at wu lao shi's hse!

the tamtams!
when i thk of you, i thk of GOD's love **

CNY was a good break, i had time to let my mind wander to anywhere it feels like wondering...

安静了-SHE

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
梦想中属于我们的婚礼
却成了单人结婚进行曲

在这场爱情角力的拔河里爱我还是爱你
你选择了自己 wo。~

撒娇的可爱的迷人的爱哭的
照片里曾经的都是你喜欢的
如今我还在原地你却走回你的记忆

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
你害怕幸福短崭一秒就崩落

分开是一种解脱　让你好好的想我

我想要的那片天空　你是不是能够给我

你说我给你太多却不能给我什么
分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑

爱情是一道伤口
我们各自苦痛

什么是我最后温柔
是因为我太爱你

haha,
but i hv mastered the art of putting sour stuff aside =)

all the best for council candidates!!

2009-01-26T17:10:00.009+08:00

KANGWEI's 21 party!
thaankks for inviting..
it was really fun =)

sometimes i thought it was my party cuz so many are my frens n our bday fall on the same day..

happy birthday to me .

cant wait for nxt fri till i see u guys agn..

2009-01-24T09:39:00.004+08:00

ytd had 7 periods of chinese!
quite cool, not many ppl in spore hv this privilege XD

my sis came back from pahang ytd. =O
donthk she like it there except the scenery and the jeep ride.
image her climbing mountains n roughing it out with the wind!
she's the holiday princess of the family like my dad always says.

family of pink =)

we're at church of singapore =)
everyth's great there =)

on a side note,
chi new year's coming too soon....
amidst all the 恭喜-s and 如意-s,
some ppl will feel extremely out of place =(
so smile more when u see them!

on a happier note,
having an account book works!
its simple, u just have to write down wadeva u spent that day.
i have enough to buy a pair of heels n sunblock for the new year =)

2009-01-20T22:46:00.002+08:00

IM HAPPY =)

the joy in the lord is my strength =)
sometimes we have to get to our lowest lowest to feel him the strongest.

looking at the verse yuru wrote for my diary for Jan always thugs at my heart.
"for those who tear the name of the lord, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. " Malachi 4:2

sometimes when i cry n cry so hard,
i can feel Him beside me crying harder.

when i read the verses,
they speak right into my soul and comforts the place that hurts the deepest.
"blessed for those who mourn as they shall be comforted."

for now, im happy!!
those we cared, can u hear my happiness!!
its real its real!

i knw it may be temporary,
i may be sad the nxt moment
but
tmr will always be better!

aft gg thru the past 2 months, nthg seems to be sad enuf to make me sad for long..

HOLD ON EVERYONE!